Things I Did Yesterday, part deux

So, yesterday, I had a News-Free day. No radio, no newspaper, no talking about newsworthy items, etc.

It was lovely.

Today, I did not.

In fact, today, I sat through an hour of a call-in radio show about, you guessed it, gay marriage! Specifically, the proposed Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) to only allow marriage to be between one man and one woman.

I did glean one interesting thing out of the show, however : the purpose of almost every other amendment to the U.S. Constitution (except Prohibition) -- real (Votes for Women) or proposed (the ERA) -- were to gain or secure rights for citizens, not take them away (like the FMA would).

Think about it!

Things I Did Yesterday - A Day in the Life of A Real-Live Lesbian Partner/Mother

Woke up. Brushed my teeth. Took a shower. Kissed my 5-year old daughter "good morning" and talked about what we wanted to buy her other mom, my partner, for her birthday.

Ran for the train. Talked about the Phillies' prospects with my Train Buddy Bryan. Double checked my calendar for meetings and "things to do today."

Had my coffee. Read my e-mails. Returned phone messages. Ate lunch. Earned my keep. Caught the train home. Got picked up by My Gal and The Banana. Had dinner. Tried not to have anything from "the treat box."

Watched some of "Wizard of Oz" on DVD with The Banana. Cuddled on the couch (she was scared by the witch - who isn't? I say!). Did some crossword problems. Kissed the girls goodnight as we read an Arthur chapter book. Watched "American Idol" (like half of America). Went to bed.

Got up to do it all again today.

Tell me, exactly HOW does MY LIFE threaten the lives of our elected heterosexual representatives? How does my family unit threaten the sanctity of marriage? Why is Bushie "troubled" that I make dinner for my family, read books at bedtime, watch family DVDs ?

Today: No News. Just Music, "to soothe the savage beast" in me.

The Pragmatist in Me Rears Its Ugly Head

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, the old mantra, "One step forward, two steps back" started creeping from the back of my brain to the front.

It's now on my living room couch.

You, see, he finally did it. Bushie reared HIS ugly head and blah, blah, blahed about how "enduring" the institution of marriage is, and how he supports a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage, blah blah blah.

[Which my Boss pointed out, how amazing it is how quickly folks jump on the anti-gay marriage amendment bandwagon but when we tried to get an amendment passed that would give women equal rights. . . how hard it was!]

Well, in a Feeble Attempt to Keep the Optimist Within Me Alive, I offer you this, from Leonard Pitts Jr. of the Miami Herald:

"It's a little know fact that MLK didn't really lead the March on Washington. What actually happened is that the marchers, a quarter-million strong, grew impatient waiting for the event to being and stepped off the curb ahead of schedule. King and the other march 'leaders' had to scramble to catch up.

"Forty-one years later. . . SF Mayor Gavin Newsom makes the quixotic decision to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples and suddenly gay men and lesbians are rushing as fast as planes, trains and Nikes will carry them to the city where Tony Bennett left his heart.

"The people who have been flocking to SF did not decide to be gay... What they have decided is that they are human beings worthy of human dignity; that they are tired of waiting for people to get that. What they have decided is that it's time to step off the curb.

Step off, I say!

Ah, public officials; keeping the news waves alive. Just heard another one! This one called the National Education Association (the union that represents teachers) a "terrorist organization."

The public official? The Secretary of Education himself, Rod Paige!

Meanwhile, on the home front: PA State Rep. Jerry Birmelin plans to introduce a bunch of amendments (oh, like, 50 !) to current legislation in an effort to "reinforce the importance of traditional families." Read: trash LGBT families!

Then, there's that Colorado football coach, Gary Barnett, who, in response to a former [female] football player's allegation of rape by a [male] teammate, basically, "blamed the victim" by saying the female football player "was not very good. She was awful (as a football player). You know what guys do? They respect your ability."

So, if you're not as good a football player as the next guy, that gives him the right to rape you?!

Ah, America. Freedom of Speech and all that. I don't recall ever learning about Freedom to Hate, though (and publicly, yet!). Hmmmm.

Ooooh! Did he just say "sanctity?" Yes, he did. Guess who I'm talking about? No, not everyone's favorite Bushie. . .

But - the mayor of San Francisco!

You'd think he was a homo himself, the way he's organized a civil action AND taken back a word - an adjective yet!

My, my. This gay marriage thing is turning into quite the battle, eh? I'd stop writing about it, but it's just so darned interesting. Not to mention, historical - and I can't wait to look back on my postings 10-20 years from now. (Kind of makes me wish I had been keeping a diary all my life!)

Anyhoo, then there IS Bushie, who took it upon himself to meet with, you guessed it, a group of Roman Catholic leaders! Because, what IS political power anyway if you can't pray with them what brung ya!* (A tip o' the nib to Molly Ivans, there!)

Made me nostalgic a bit, 'cuz it reminded me of one of my first posts here, when I also wrote about separation of church and state (see my archives - August 31, 2003).

Remember back then. . . it was the "Summer of the Gays" and all was well with the world. Folks actually loved and embraced us then.

I knew it wouldn't last long!

Well, I am back from a quick trip to Western PA for a family funeral. Just wanted to share with you this conversation that occurred between me and The Banana, just before I left. From the Mouths of Babes:

Me: "Would you like to make a nice card for Anna (The Banana's cousin, also 5-1/2 years old)? I'll be seeing her tomorrow."

The Banana: "No."

Me: "How about giving her one of your old stuffed animals to hug? She's probably really sad since her Grand Pop just died."

The Banana: "Maybe."

Me: "Well, what do you think would make her feel better?"

The Banana: (without skipping a beat) "Making her Grand Pop 'not dead' " !

A tip o' the nib to my good friend Annie B. who reminded me, upon reading my post on 2/12 (re: the 10 year old caught in the crossfire outside his elementary school) of that great song by Cheryl Wheeler, which I hereby reprint without permission, but with great respect for the artist.

"If It Were Up To Me" by Cheryl Wheeler

Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's the books
Maybe it's the bullets, maybe it's the real crooks
Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the parents
Maybe it's the colors everybody's wearin'
Maybe it's the President, maybe it's the last one
Maybe it's the one before that, what he done
Maybe it's the high schools, maybe it's the teachers
Maybe it's the tattooed children in the bleachers
Maybe it's the Bible, maybe it's the lack
Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the crack
Maybe it's the hairdos, maybe it's the TV
Maybe it's the cigarettes, maybe it's the family
Maybe it's the fast food, maybe it's the news
Maybe it's divorce, maybe it's abuse
Maybe it's the lawyers, maybe it's the prisons
Maybe it's the Senators, maybe it's the system
Maybe it's the fathers, maybe it's the sons
Maybe it's the sisters, maybe it's the moms
Maybe it's the radio, maybe it's road rage
Maybe El Niño or UV rays
Maybe it's the army, maybe it's the liquor
Maybe it's the papers, maybe the militia
Maybe it's the athletes, maybe it's the ads
Maybe it's the sports fans, maybe it's a fad
Maybe it's the magazines, maybe it's the internet
Maybe it's the lottery, maybe it's the immigrants
Maybe it's taxes, big business
Maybe it's the KKK and the skinheads
Maybe it's the communists, maybe it's the Catholics
Maybe it's the hippies, maybe it's the addicts
Maybe it's the art, maybe it's the sex
Maybe it's the homeless, maybe it's the banks
Maybe it's the clearcut, maybe it's the ozone
Maybe it's the chemicals, maybe it's the car phone
Maybe it's the fertilizer, maybe it's the nose rings
Maybe it's the end, but I know one thing
If it were up to me, I'd take away the guns

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours. My Boss (not Bruce, but my Real Boss at work) passed along this lovely essay by none other than Bill Maher. . . (color emphases are mine).

Valentine's Day, that great state holiday
by Bill Maher

On the occasion of this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves: What business is it of The State how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?

And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, birthdays are important, too - why not include them in the great document? Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things, like schools, prison, Social Security - OK, so how about we privatize privacy? If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli.

Republicans used to be the party that opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people, and encourage it for others. If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to encourage and promote marriage - including seed money to pay an old Jewish woman to call up people at random and say "So why aren't you married, Mr. Big Shot?"

But when it comes to homosexuals, Republicans sing "I Love You Just the Way You Oughta Be." They oppose gay marriage because it threatens or mocks - or does something - to the "sanctity of marriage," as if anything you can do drunk out of your mind in front of an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas could be considered sacred. Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked-up, rich or desperate, but in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing - kind of like what his Dad has with the Saudis.

But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue - they really believe that homosexuality, because it says so in the Bible, is an "abomination" and a "dysfunction" that's "curable": they believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay - because the theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an "abomination," and therefore their refusal to endorse gay marriage is a hypocrisy. The right are true believers, but the Democrats are merely pretending that they believe gays are not entitled to the same state-sanctioned misery as the rest of us. The Democrats' position doesn't come from the Bible, it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.

Well, you know what: Sometimes "most Americans" are wrong. Where's the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of "civil union" and "hate the sin, love the sinner," and say loud and clear: `There IS no sin, and homosexuality is NOT an abomination' -- although that Boy George musical Rosie O'Donnell put on comes close. The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.

But that aside, the law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100 percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire Island gay, and that they don't need re-programming. They need a man with a slow hand.

By the way, it's National Freedom to Marry week. Really. Has been for the past few years; but seems really important this year, eh? Interesting that this is the week the Massachusetts legislators have decided to debate same-sex marriage. Since I'm on the topic, a few words from my personal soapboax:

In case I haven't mentioned it before, there are 1,049 federal "rights" that married heterosexual partners have under law that gays and lesbians do not. This begs the question, how is a "civil union" even close to providing any full and equal rights?

Why is it always the Black Clergy in any city that adamantly opposes same-sex marriage? Do they not recall the years when "negros" and "whites" were legislatively barred from marrying each other?

Ya gotta love those San Franciscan City Officials for "marrying" a whole bunch of gays and lesbians yesterday. Talk about guerrilla activism! Who knew that city officials (Mayors, even?) could be activists, too?

Oh, and this whole Bushie thing and the "sanctity" of marriage? I got sick of hearing it and looked up the word "sanctity" at Dictionary.com :

sanc·ti·ty (sngkt-t)

1. Holiness of life or disposition; saintliness.
2. The quality or condition of being considered sacred; inviolability.
3. Something considered sacred.

Hmmm... lots of "religious" connotations here. I thought Marriage was a Civil Right. We're not talking masses and chupahs here. We're talking about civil, legal protections! Don't even get me started on the separtion of Church and State issue!

I cried on the train today. I was reading the newspaper.

Yesterday, a young boy, just 10 years old, was caught in the crossfire outside of his elementary school. Just going to school in the morning, shot in the head and is in critical condition today.

Last week, I wrote about how thankful I am for all that I have.

Today, I am angry about all that I don't have - and what our children don't have. Things like decent schools, enough food and shelter, and safety and security in their own homes and neighborhoods.

I blame the Guns.

I know, without guns, there'd still be the Violence. But Guns put it on a whole different level. "Innocent victims" (and if you know me, you know I hate that phrase but just had to use it here) get caught in the crossfire. Families are torn apart. Communities suffer.

Think of it this way: if those supposed-"adults" who were involved in a public dispute did not have Guns yesterday, if they had to resort to their fists or knives or verbal threats as their Means of Violence, a young boy would be in school this morning. Safe. Secure. Learning. Helping. Living.

I spoke to a class of (mostly) seniors at a Philly public high school today about being a gay mom/activist. I was their real live lesbian.

I used to speak in schools when I lived in Baltimore, back in the early 90s. Interesting in how just 10+ years so much has changed. Then, the questions were, "So, what do lesbians do exactly?" and . . . "How did you know you were a lesbian?"

Now, the questions are "How did your daughter decide what to call you (Mommy, Mama, Mima)?" and "Do you think the guys on 'Queer Eye' are too stereotypical?"

I realized, while speaking, how many of my reference points were now "history" - the Anita Bryant/ Florida orange juice boycott; the early days of the AIDS epidemic when gay partners were not permitted to visit their lovers in many hospitals; the only gay character on TV being Jody, on the late-night show "Soap"; the 3 whole gay books my small town Waldenbooks carried when I was coming out.*

I feel really old.

But, happy. I realized that I, personally, have seen so much in the last 25 years in terms of the gay/lesbian civil rights movement, and that each day we make more history.

I never thought, in my lifetime, we'd see a push for gay marriage. I remember the fights for basic non-discrimination policies. Then, the Hawaii years. The internal battles over civil unions vs marriage (when exactly did "marriage" win out among our leaders, by the way?). And, now, we're so close to actual marriage rights.

Seems too good to believe. (The Pessimist in me, of course, is chanting the mantra of "one step forward, two steps back" and is just waiting for the footprints to appear. . .)

But, it's HISTORY (HERSTORY) none-the-less !


* For those of you who recall the 1970's and the lack of LGBT literature then, you can relate that the books I poured over were "Rubyfruit Jungle," "The Dancer & The Dance," and "The Front Runner." That was it. No others, unless you count the non-fiction books like "Lesbian / Woman," "Lavender Culture," or even "The Kinsey Report."

Ok, I'm feeling like I can't ignore the hot news of the week - this whole boob thing with Janet Jackson, NBC & ER, and the media.

What an obsession! The media has nothing better to report on? NBC execs have no other shows to admonish? (Like, the women on "The Apprentice" are sooooo chastely attired!)

Sports guy Frank Fitzpatrick of the Inky had some great comments on the whole situation, putting it all in perspective. If I may (since he said it much better than I could):

"So I'm sitting there with my family enjoying the classy commercials in which a horse breaks wind in a woman's face and a young boy watches a man in a skirt expose himself when that brazen hussy Janet Jackson goes and ruins Super Bowl XXXVIII."

"I mean, Super Bowl Sunday is supposed to be a perfect day. You can get falling-down drunk in front of your kids... eat like Hollis Thomas... watch football for hours, and gamble away money you can't afford to lose."

"Next year, I won't allow (my son) to watch, and that's a shame. He'll probably never know that life's precious moments are courtesy of MasterCard or that Anheuser-Busch spends millions because they want him to drink responsibly."

Oh, and the "E.R." thing. . . NBC can't show a women's breast in the context of a medical situation and after prime-time (remember, parents, kids aren't supposed to be watching then!) but they have Whoopi smoking like a chimney, Danny DeVito stripping on "Friends," and such high-brow television like "Fear Factor," and "Average Joe."

Hmmm. Go figure.

Woo hoo! Gay Marriage in the news again!

Finally (!) there's a Supreme Court in the land (Massachusetts Supreme Court) that made the "right decision." My favorite quote from the opinion: "For no rational reason, the marriage laws of the Commonwealth discriminate against a defined class..."

Finally! Someone calling the kettle black, as they say.

Even better, the Court pretty much came out and said that civil unions just don't cut it.. Only marriage provides full and equal rights. All 1,049 of them (and that's just the federal ones!).

GLAD, the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders organization based in Boston, lists some good ones (state and federal) on their web site.

Besides the usual automatic rights (which marriage provides) to make medical decisions, to transfer property without taxation, to receive line of duty death benefits, to take family leave to care for a sick partner, etc., let us not forget:

The right to shared fishing licenses

The right to sue for a "wrongful autopsy"

The duty to disclose a spouses' name, occupation, and employer during jury selection (to avoid conflicts of interest)

And, the duty of fidelity!

Back from the North Coast... bet you didn't know it's called that, eh? Frosty Lake Erie and environs were mighty cold, and it snowed pretty much every day I was there.

It was interesting to be back in a Snow Belt town that knows how to deal with snow and ice and such - i.e. folks actually know how to drive in the muck; the municipalities actually clear the snow and melt the ice in the roads; people actually wash their cars (when it's not freezing out!) to get the salt scum off (which can rust a vehicle).

But, anyhoo, I digress. Am back near the Mason-Dixon line where a "winter weather advisory" means to stock up on bread and milk and they're counting down the days until summer. Really. I saw it on the morning news, right before the story of the day...

...the ricin they found in the Dirkson office building ! Now, you should know (if you don't already), I enjoy a good bio-terrorism book, and books about public health and diseases like yellow fever and such, and have read just about everything printed re: 9/11.

So, there I was in Baltimore this weekend, making my way back home, and my good friend Monica loaned me her book about the October 2001 Anthrax letters (no, they never did figure out "whodunit"!). So, I'm reading this book (and washing my hands every 1/2 hour, and not breathing on my train ride home, etc.) and now there's a new scare!

Interestingly enough, Monica & I were just discussing how prepared (or not) we feel our respective cities are to handle major terrorism events or public health disasters (it's kind of her field of work). I personally believe that Philadelphia is way under-prepared. Think I'll head back to the Snow Belt!