Today, putting in a little plug for the upcoming Showtime series "The L Word" . . . yep, it stands for Lesbian.

[Side note: Why don't some people like this title? I like it; it implies that lesbians are still kind of invisible, thus this show, and the lifestyle sort of taboo. . . and it'ss much better than the original title of the show, "Earthlings"]

So, this weekend my gal and I screened a rough copy of the original pilot for this show (when it was, yes, still called "Earthlings" - don't get me started on that name!). Not bad at all, I say.

I'm soooo tempted to switch from my beloved HBO to Showtime, just to get this show. (Ok, AND "Queer As Folk")

Because we saw the first draft pilot, some of the content will be changed for the Showtime version -- and let's just hope it's the sex scenes! We counted not 1, not 2, but 4 times the heterosexual couple "did the deed"*** -- while only 1 brief, albiet in a swimming pool, scene of a lesbian couple.

The show itself, nicely filmed, somewhat funny, cute cast. Could use more diversity, but this is about a group of friends, almost all of whom are young, thin, white, hip, etc. Not very realistic, but, hey, this IS television here, folks! I, for one, like my fantasies to have some "fantasy" to them.

On a side note, I used the phrase "doing the deed" above because, while leafing through my 18-year old neices' copy of Cosmo this weekend, yes, I discovered, ALL of the articles were quite graphically about sex. . . except they used these sort of euphimisms.

So, while the magazine's content was clearly for the young women among us (I'm thinking the 24-35 demographic), the phrasing appealed to an even younger crowd. Not sure how comfortable I am with 14 year olds reading about how to give a guy the perfect blow job (which, the article pointed out, wasn't really about blowing at all... but about other, graphic, activities not to be reprinted here in this family blog!).

So, Saturday afternoon, I found myself with a free hour to myself, sitting in our family room flipping through the TV channels - and what calls out to me? A repeat showing of "In the Gloaming". . .

. . .the Christopher-Reeve-directed TV movie about a young man (Robert Sean Leonard) who goes home to Connecticut to die (he has AIDS) and has long, meaningful chats with his (previously) emotionally distant mother (Glenn Close).

When I first saw the movie, I totally related with the son - Danny. Lack of communication with his family, moved far away, couldn't talk about being gay. I've worked for a few AIDS agencies, and I knew the things the movie portrayed - Danny's mom didn't want to touch him, his sister wouldn't let his nephew visit, his father didn't want to talk to him.

This time around, though, I totally connected with the mother - who just wanted to know, basically, if Danny had been happy - if he had loved and been loved in return in his life. (He had.)

So, there I was, alone in my house, bawling my eyes out, hoping that I won't ever have to ask The Banana questions like Glenn Close had to ask Danny as they spent his final months together, to find out about his life, his interests, his thoughts and feelings.

Thankfully, The Banana shares these things with us constantly. Ok, so she's only five. I know, when she's a teenager, blah, blah, blah. I just hope we're getting her into a good pattern of talking with us about things. And that she'll always feel she can come to us to talk.

Oh, and that she'll love and be loved in return.

Go on, call me the "B" word, you know you wanna. That's my new mantra. Waddya think?

Since I've turned 40, I've noticed how much I don't care anymore what other people think. I've started speaking up more about all kinds of things and can hear those whispers in people's heads, which probably also start with the word "Fat," seeing as I've heard that all my life, too. Not very original, folks.

Today, let me share with you my Septa story. Here is the gist of letter I sent customer service:

"While waiting for the R8 at Carpenter this morning, I saw an orange Septa truck park in one of the two handicapped spots in the parking lot. I pointed this out to the drive and he nicely moved the vehicle. He and two other men were having their morning coffee in the truck. [MV note: not that there's anything wrong with that]

"About 1 minute later, another man exited the truck and approached me, asking who I was. I answered that I was a concerned Septa customer, who has seen at least 2 cars with H/C tags park in the Carpenter lots. He pointed to a snow pile in the "reserved for Septa" parking spot, mentioned that the truck would normally park there, and asked if I would like to shovel the snow! [the noive!]

"I said, "No, I believe that would be Septa's responsibility." He said that Septa contracted out for that service. I replied that perhaps Septa take this up with the contractors, then. I also asked why he wanted to know who I was - and who was he? He then walked into the ticket agent's office without answering."

So, there I was -- being questioned by a Septa employee as to who I was and why I was getting involved in a situtation that clearly violated Septa regulations, not to mention the law! I could hear the whispers.

Seems like a lot of the whispers are coming during normal, urban life-type situations: asking the kids on the sidewalk to move a bit so I can walk by them to our offices; asking grown adults to please not use the "F" word when my 5-year old daughter is right there; asking other Septa customers to please move their bags off the seat so I could sit down; asking a co-worker to please not scoff at me for asking a question in a staff meeting about the Team Builder exercise we were doing!

People, people, people. Call me what you will. I've only just begun!

Today's topic : The "T" Word. Testosterone.
Why I like it. Why we need it. How are lives are better for it.

I pondered this subject over the weekend, as Our Man Roger, neighbor-extraordinairre, cleaned out our gutters, took our huge and heavy air conditioner out of the first floor window and down to our basement, and pulled a very large and ominus looking branch off our porch roof.

It got me thinking about all those folks who, somehow, think lesbians "hate" men. To set the record straight (so to say), neither I nor any of the lesbians I know and love hate men.

I grew up with two brothers, the youngest of whom was my best friend and sidekick through our elementary school years. I adore my father and my uncles, particularly my godfather. Male cousins, too; who I've shared my youth with, and now our adult lives.

On the local front, I pondered, there's my Train Buddy Bryan - with whom I can talk sports, growing up in western PA, progressive politics, and raising daughters with.

And there's Jon, who will actually attend a girl's basketball game with me (even if his son is not to thrilled about it and would rather see the boys' game), and with whom I can share Cooking Light and WW recipies.

And let's not forget the Fathers of Children in My Daughters' Class and the local Brothers-In-Law, both sets of whom I always seem to end up talking with at any school, class, family gatherings.

So, here's to the Men in my life = hoo ha!

Finally! I've always known in the back of my mind that Wal-Mart is evil. Thanks to the New York Times and today's Radio Times (local Philly talk show), I've learned a lot more about why I think this way. In a nutshell:

Wal-Mart = "low prices"
Low prices = low wages for workers.
No benefits for workers.
No "right" to unionize.
Low prices = competition.
Other stores close.
Low wages = competition.
Other workers lose.

Wal-Mart family members comprise, like, 5 of the Top 10 Richest Americans.
In 2003, they (Mrs. W and kids) were #s 4-8 according to Forbes.
If Mr. W. were alive today and had not distributed his wealth to his wife and children, he'd be 2x richer than Bill Gates! We're talking "bil-yuns and bil-yuns" here!

Are they hoarding their $$$ ? Not necessarily. Their family foundation does give lots of money away (yet, the family members still are all billionaires). Let's take a look at their charitable giving, shall we?

Hmmm. "Education". . .

Charter schools. Education reform focusing on accountability. Scholarships for children "who do not have the opportunity to attend quality public schools" to attend private schools. Gee whiz. They could put their billions into public education and imagine what great public schools they would have!

Also, they gave a lot of $$$ to U. of Arkansas and Catholic Social Services, and tend to keep the majority of their giving within Arkansas and Mississippi.

Perusing their Annual Report, I especially enjoyed their 2002 gift of $191,500 to the National Cowgirl Museum & Hall of Fame; and was dismayed to discover that they gave $50,000 to my alma mater, Marquette!

Now, let's look at my favorite retailer Target and their Community Foundation:

Arts. Culture. Social Services. Emergency food pantries, assistance programs, housing programs. Food, shelter and clothing to at-risk families. Much more in line with my own personal values.

Anyhoo. There it is. There you have it. If you're luck enough to live in a large Metropolitan area and have choices, use your freedom of choice. It's your inalienable right.

Sports Bits by moi.

Watched the awesome Eagles game Sunday. Fly, Eagles, Fly. . .! Also watched the post-game press conferences and analysis on Comcast. I just can't help myself. I love that our governor is a sports fan and spends his few free hours a week talking about football. However, I couldn't help but notice how much "talk" there's been lately on the post-game show regarding clothes and hair. Are all these guys turning metrosexual? Not only do they talk amongst themselves about each other's clothes and hair, but did I not actually hear one of the reporters ask a player what designer (as opposed to whose throwback jersey) he was wearing?

On the hoops front, while it's not anywhere near March Madness yet, college hoops has begun and Marquette is 6-0. Not time yet to pull out my Final Four t-shirts to wear, yet; but I've thought about it. I did, of course, miss their 1st TV game (Coaches v Cancer), as our cable was out that night! And, I forgot about the 2nd one (MU-Notre Dame, the "old" rivalry from our Independent days). I'll blame it on the time change.

Oh, well, gotta get all my energy up for the St. Joe's - UConn women's game here at the Palestra. Small, old gym. Loud as heck. Me = tix 3 rows back from the SJU bench. It'd best not snow! First, though, gotta get through 'Nova (tonight) and UVA and Debbie Ryan. Tough schedule, re-vamped team. It'll be good to see Sue Moran again, back as an Assistant Coach after warming the bench for the Liberty.

On the high school front, I was surprised to learn this week that the Alliquippa (Pittsburgh) sports teams are called The Quips. My friend Bryan (from Pittsburgh) sez that's cause the area thar is called The Quip. Still, couldn't they foresee the "Quips and Bloods" jokes coming?

Here's a "shout out" to My Man Roger -- cyclist extraordinairre -- who faithfully rode his bike to work last Friday, during the blizzard-like conditions. Actually, his ride home was worth noting: snowy, icy, and all uphill back to the homestead. I hearby nomintate ye for My First Annual I-Wanna-Be-Like-Lance (but I won't be leaving my wife anytime soon) Award

So, speaking of relations, and family and such. . . I recently wrote a small piece to submit to local print media re: gay marriage. Who knows if they'll ever publish it? I thought. "Aha!" I said to myself. "Self, you can publish it on your blog!" Thus. . .

A Case for Gay Marriage

Like any other parent, my greatest fear since my daughter's birth has been worrying about her safety. Every step she's taken, every jungle gym she's climbed on or steps she's jumped from – I visualized bad bruises, broken bones, stitches and CAT scans.

But my larger fear, one that my heterosexual neighbors and friends don't understand, is that I could be denied the right to be with her in the hospital, emergency room, or even the doctor's office.

It happens. Homophobic doctors; liability and malpractice issues; HIIPA regulations about sharing medical information. I lived through the 80s when gay partners were not allowed to be with their dying lovers. My fear is real.

Why? Because as a lesbian parent – the non-birth mother – I did not, until recently, have legal standing in her life, even though I've raised her from birth. It was only this year (she's 5 now) that "second parent" adoptions were upheld by the PA state supreme court and I could legally adopt my daughter.

I still have some fear left in me, but it's subsided, thanks to the courts. (And, yes, I carry a copy of our adoption papers and her birth certificate with me in my wallet!)

But, I don't have that slip of paper for my partner of 10 years – the mother of our child, my lifemate. Because we can't legally marry (using the civil definition of the word), I could very well be denied access to her hospital room, medical records - even though I am her medical power of attorney - or, worse, her deathbed.

The fear lives on. And, while marriage would afford gay men and lesbians like myself many other civil rights, it is this one that I am most concerned about. I made a vow to love and comfort my partner "in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

If only the legislature and the courts will give me that chance.

Walking to work today, watching the birds and the snow and the trees, I realized that I didn’t really explain yesterday's post regarding the phrase “All My Relations.”

Originally, I intended it to mean not only my family-of-origin, but all my related families of choice – in particular, my many good friends : those whom I spent Thanksgiving with, those who’ve moved away and we communicate mostly by e-mail but who still understand my comings-and-goings, those who still live nearby and we talk via phone and try to connect every few months or so. . .

But, the phrase means much more than that; and I intended it to be understood in the larger sense, as well.

“All My Relations” refers to the interactions of all relationships up to the present moment. One definition is that “It brings together in our consciousness all our ancestors, parents, children, husband, wives, friends, life partners and lovers as gifts to the present moment.”

It also refers to the inclusiveness of everything in and around us (i.e. in nature) being a part of us, and us, a part of everything. “Realizing self and owning our interrelationship with the living world around us, and with the Great Spirit and Mother Earth. The flow of nature outside us and within us is the natural order of things. We are not apart from it; we do not exist of it. We exist along with it.”

It is about achieving proper relations ("respect" and "reciprocity") with all living things, all life, all creatures, all creation and the Creator.

Native Americans use the phrase to begin and end prayers and speeches – “for all that is above me, below me, and all around-me, all my relations.”

For All My Relations, I am thankful.

It appears I'm into "lists" these days, doesn't it? Well, here's another one, then:

Things I'm Thankful For This Thanksgiving

my family ("all my relations")

especially, The Banana

homemade mashed potatoes

the Eagles (when they win)

fairly warm Autumn weather

e-mail and, sometimes, listservs

the Bravo Network

okay, cable TV in general

king-sized beds

decent health insurance

pecan pie

trees

CD-R bootlegs

our new heater

having had the money to pay for our new heater

the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle

flex time

life