During my train ride back from New York this week, I wrote a little "essay" about my visit (I was on the "quiet car"). Here it is:

I. Assumptions

When I was in college, one of my roommate’s favorite songs was the Monkees’ “Laugh”, especially the line, “Laugh when you go to a party and you can’t tell the boys from the girls.”

Because, of course, the assumption at the time (the sixties) was that all men had short hair and all women had long hair.

I ran straight up against a few of my own assumptions this week when I visited a friend in New York City.

The first came while I was at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center. I was sitting in a chair on the first floor, under the stairwell. As a group that was meeting on the second floor began to disburse, I heard the clicking sound of numerous high heels making their way down the stairs.

Ah, I thought. A meeting of drag queens.

Wrong I was. When I snuck a peek up the stairs, I found that the sound was emanating - yes - from high heels; but, on women. Lesbians!

Many of the women were in “business drag” – three piece suits with skirts; dresses; skirts and blouses. It was a meeting of the lesbian and gay business professionals group.

My second awakening came the next morning as I was leaving my friend’s apartment building on the Upper West Side.

On the elevator ride to the lobby, I encountered two young women on their way to school.

As I was tired from a late night out, my eyes were drooping and I only caught sight of them from the waist level down.

I was noticing one of the girls’ modest shoes (low heels, closed-toes), purse, and sensible slacks. Hmmm, I thought, how nice to see a young teenager not exposing their toe ring, or navel, or butt cheeks.

Before my eyes could continue upward, the girl spoke to her friend - in a much deeper voice than I had expected.

As my eyes darted up towards her mid section and beyond, I noticed what appeared to be developing breasts, shoulder-length hair (that seemed, to me, to be a wig) – and, an Adam’s apple.

Unwilled, my eyebrows rose.

As the girls left the elevator and ran ahead of me, I saw them look back and giggle - presumably at the unsuspecting visitor who had, most likely, never seen a transgendered / transitioning youth before.

I felt terrible. I wanted to catch up with them and tell them that I wasn’t staring. I was only surprised because I was half asleep.

That I was a cool, lesbian mom who even had discussions with her partner before the birth of our child about our thoughts regarding gender reassignment surgery (we’re opposed).

I saw “Normal” on HBO. Loved “Rene’s Story” on Showtime. I embrace the transgender community.

It’s not prejudice they saw. My hidden assumptions gave me away.


II. Representation

The reason I was in New York in the first place was to attend a talk at the Museum of Radio and Television entitled, “No Limits: A Look at ‘Queer As Folk’ (‘QAF’) and ‘The L-Word’.”

Much has been said about ‘The L-Word’ (and, to some extent, ‘QAF’) about how the lesbians and gay men on each show are portrayed.

One camp feels that ‘The L-Word’ does not go far enough to show the broad spectrum of the lesbian community – the butches, the disabled, the overweight, the Asians, etc.

Others (myself included) feel that this is a television show; a suspension of reality for a few, brief (too brief) moments each week.

Bring on the beautiful women and men, I say!

The producers of both shows described how they are telling the stories of very particular groups of friends. That to try to represent the entire LGBT community would be untrue to the characters and their stories.

As their stories and lives unfold (at least in the case of ‘The L-Word’), naturally we’ll begin to see a wider range of the “types” of people in the lives of the main characters.

Admit it, folks. Who among us hasn’t said to his friends (or thought, anyway - or even wrote in a personal ad), “No chubbies.”

Show me the lesbian who would rather watch Rosie & Kelli kiss than Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman.

Robert Gant, one of the stars of QAF, noted that a fan once came up to him and commented that, “all the gay guys in Pittsburgh have such great teeth and go to the gym a lot.”

Those of us who have been to Pittsburgh certainly know this is not true.

Those of us who can separate TV from reality, also know this is not true.

Straight (and some gay) people make assumptions about gay people all of the time. Women are butches; men are effeminate. Lesbians all work construction jobs; gay men are all hairdressers.

I doubt that anyone would call Robert Gant (who has had fans not believe that he was gay in real life) or Gale Herrold effeminate. The women of ‘The L-Word’ are more a collection of femmes than butches. And Shane - a lesbian - is the hairdresser.

If these shows can break down the assumptions of even a handful of people, isn’t it worth the effort?

Maybe along the way, we’ll break down a few of our own.

Today, the Angry Activist in me has taken control. So much going on, not enough time in the world to address it all; so, I'll pick and choose:

On the local front, state legislators in Harrisburg today are going to consider some anti-LGBT amendments to a bill, including those that would strengthen the state's DOMA and bar the state from providing benefits to domestic partners, among other things.

On the national front, our favorite U.S. Senator Rick-y Boy has vowed to take the FMA to a vote before the fall election (even though it does not have the 67 votes needed to send the resolution to the states).

His "homies" - the GOP - put out a Memorial Day Recess packet which included talking points on gay marriage, which went something like this:

-- "This (same sex marriage) is a national crisis that requires a national response - a federal constitutional amendment."

-- And, No. 3 of the Top Five Reasons to Defend Marriage, acc'd to the GOP: "Redefining marriage sends a terrible message to the next generation: alternative family forms are just as good as traditional families, and children don't need mothers and fathers."

Wait! It gets worse! Since we're on the subject of gays and kids, a new FDA rule went into effect yesterday (did you hear about this ?) prohibiting 'men who have engaged in homosexual sex within the past five years' from making anonymous donations to sperm banks! (Supposedly to save the world from AIDS. Like, the virus is only transmitted through 'gay sex'!) Ohmygod, is it the 1980s again?

Another thing I quite enjoyed about NYC = the use of the acronym LGBT (as opposed to GLBT).

Now, MV, you may say; what does it matter if the "L" (Lesbian) is before the "G" (Gay - as in Gay Man)- or vice versa?

Well, if you're a Lesbian (with a capital L), you get pretty sick and tired of always seeing GLBT, as if, as usual, the "men" come first.

Takes me back to the days when The Advocate was the nation's leading "gay" newsmagazine and there was the big brouhaha over them adding "and lesbian" to their tag line.

Chalk this up under "it's a guy thing". Case in point : those places that utilize "GLBT" :

LPI Media, the publisher of both The Advocate and Out - publisher = male. President = male.

Editor of Out magazine = male.

Philadelphia Gay News publisher and editor = male.

Planet Out Inc, owner and operator of PlanetOut.com and Gay.com - CEO = male. President = male.

Those that utilize "LGBT" :

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center of . . . New York (!); also, of San Francisco, Milwaukee, Stanford University, Duke, etc.

NGLTF - the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force - current Executive Director (and many past) = female.

Family Pride Coalition executive director = female. (They also have 2 co-chairs of the Board : one male, one female - for, imagine ! - gendar parity)

GLAAD - the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation - Executive Director = female. (Also, 2 co-chairs, one male/one female, of the board).

Get the point?

Spent the late afternoon and evening in N.Y.C. yesterday. Sometimes, I feel very lucky to be me. So, I haven't visited Europe (yet!), or hit the lottery. But, how many of you can say you've :

Attended a rehearsal of the NY Gay Men's Chorus and been moved to chills by their rendition of "I Am What I Am" ? -- OR --

Been serenaded by gay men in a piano bar ? (With the song "Maria" from West Side Story -- duh !)

However, why is it that everytime I visit The Big Apple, I find myself in the middle of a schvitz? (And I don't mean the good kind).

I sweat, I drool, I drag. My clothes stick. My hair is drenched. Not just in the summer, either! Always!

Thank the goddess my NY friend Mark has central air.

Another hot weekend is behind us. What did we, the lesbian moms do this weekend, you ask? Here is how we corrupted the moral fiber of society this weekend :

Went to synagogue on Saturday morning and The Banana went to Hebrew school.

Perused yard sales for serapes and a Mayan calendar for The Banana's school project.

Watched the first Harry Potter movie and The Flyers' loss.

Joined our neighbors in holding a multi-family yard sale - where our organic Raspberry juice was very popular in the heat.

Wrapped gifts for a birthday party; checked our e-mail; weed-whacked; started a new puzzle; and other miscellaneous subversive things.

Tidbits from the week:

The Sports Fan in me chose to skip the Perfect Game being pitched by Randy Johnson the other night. Instead, I watched the Flyers lose.

I still fared better than my friend Jon, who watched the rain delay of the Phillies game on The Deuce so he could get updates on the Perfect game from the Ticker. He didn't realize the Arizona game was being televised locally on America's Superstation TBS!

And how about that Massachusetts State Senate - voting to overturn the 1913 law that Gov. Romney is "using" to prohibit out-of-staters from marrying in his fine Commonwealth!

I'm still laughing about the fact that Romney felt he needed to write letters to every other state to ask if they allowed same sex marriages! Like, wasn't he reading his own newspapers - that they were about to be the first state to allow it?!

And, thank the goddess that Fantasia is still in the running on American Idol. If she had been booted off this week, I would have lost all hope in what's right and just!

Well, it looks like The Gal and I got our 15 minutes of fame this weekend.

The Gal was quoted in the Harvard Crimson; while apparently I appeared in a video piece on one of the major national networks (given that friends in both San Francisco and Philadelphia saw me).

Interestingly enough, a mom from The Gal's "Queer Moms Listerv" who lives in Cambridge with her partner and kids, was interviewed by our own Inky.

In other news, does anyone else wonder why the Massachusettes Governor's mom (or dad) would name him Mitt?

When you're a minority, there are but a few times in your life when you feel, truly, like you belong. For me, last night was one of those times.

Interestingly enough, it occurred in a town not too familiar to me; and in a crowd of not just women, and not just gays and lesbians.

I was among the like-minded people of Cambridge, MA. Counting down to 12:01 a.m., May 17, when the first lesbian and gay applicants for a legal marriage license would enter the Cambridge City hall and proclaim their intent to marry.

Legally.
In the U.S.
History in the making.
We had to be there.

The mood was very festive. Sort of like a Pride Celebration without the drunken behavior and nakedness.

Or like New Year's Eve in a small town. Without the drunken behavior and Public Heterosexual Displays of Affection.

We mostly hung out by the brass band playing "Going to the Chapel," and "Here Comes the Bride," interspersed with old favorites like "Oh, Susanna," and "When the Saints Come Marching In."

And everyone was so nice.
Not Disney-nice; but, genuinely nice.
Happy. Welcomed.

Like we all belonged.

Ripped from the Headlines: "O’Malley: Be sad but don’t get mad: Archbishop (of Boston) calls for calm on Monday" (you know, when all those gay and lesbian radicals plan to invade their own towns' city halls and - oooh! - apply for marriage licenses).

Looks like The Boston Herald is fighting for the "best headline" honor with Philly's own Daily Snooze - "Don't Be Mad -- Get GLAD" : how many of you remember those old TV commericals? (GLAD trash bags)

How many of you remember how the gay and lesbian community also used the same commercials in many-a-Pride-parade ... "Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy" (gay men would proclaim in high-pitched voices)... "Hefty, hefty, hefty" (bull-dykes would chime in) - toying with stereotypes and popular culture.

Interestingly enough, GLAD is also the acronym for the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders organization - the very group that fought Massachusetts for the rights of Goodridge et. al. to marry!

I love irony.


[Sidebar: And, as Mel from "Queer as Folk" said in this week's episode - "You wanna see MAD ?" How about a hormonal, pregnant lesbian?" I'm guessing there may be a few of them at a city hall this weekend, 'eh?]

Can it be? The lovely and talented La Toya London was booted off American Idol? Is there no justice in the world?

As a fan of the Tuesday show, I can't bear to watch the Wednesday program when The People's Votes decide who stays and who goes. This is what I disliked about "Survivor" - it wasn't about who had the best survival skills, but about "popularity."

'Kay. Graduated from high school already. Don't wanna go back there.

I am kind of bummed that I missed her sing one of my favorite (and very hard to sing) songs "Don't Rain on My Parade". Kind of ironic choice of a song, too; don't ya think?

It's amazing how strong the sense of smell is.

Went to a funeral service for a friend's mother yesterday. In a Catholic Church. They went heavy on the incense. (We were always told, in Catholic elementary school, it was frankincense - like what the Wise Men offered to the Christ Child).

Immediately I had recollections of kneeling on the hard, cold floor of our "church" - at the time, the sanctuary was located in our gymnasium, so, basically, it was the basketball court. (How appropriate for me, you might say, eh?).

Anyway, kneeling - a long, long time - as the Stations of the Cross were said, rosary beads were held, frankincense was spewed about the gym (at each station - there are 12 in all!).

Trying not to sleep. Trying not to faint. Trying not to be a normal 8-year old, but a "good catholic."

Yeah. Right.

Had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday, complete with hand-made gifts from The Banana.

At school, she's been learning how to make what's called "God's Eyes" (we call them "Goddess Eyes") - so we got lots of them for Mother's Day! Quite the little artisan, The Banana made some very multi-colored, elaborately-designed Goddess Eyes.

Now we gotta go out and buy lots of yarn! (As you can maybe guess, we have none in our house!)

On another note, we booked our jaunt to Cambridge, MA for next weekend. A brief journey to support our brothers and sisters in newly legalized wedded bliss.

As the Gal noted, "It's history in the making! How could we not go?"

Oh, and on this "How Gay Are You?" quiz my friend Mark sent me, I'm only 69% gay! How can this be? I thought I'd at least score in the 80s!

[Check it out - it's funny. Even "straight" people can take the quiz!]

So, another month, another Blog post. Wondering what else I've been up to lately?

Well, my letter to the editor re: my "sidewalk incident" got published. Still wondering what (or who), exactly, needed to be "sanitized"!

Still addicted to "American Idol." I even found myself agreeing with Simon re: who will remain standing . . . while I've been a Fantasia fan, last night, I quite enjoyed LaToya !

Flipping through the channels, I caught the exciting OT of the Flyers-Maple Leafs game and saw - live ! - the winning goal by Jeremy Roenick. First saw him play in Phoenix while visiting my brother 2 winters ago; so, to you Jeremy, ho-o-o-o-o-wl ! (That was my best Coyote impression ;)

So, The Gal & I are just itchin' to go to Cambridge, Mass for the 12:01 a.m. festivities at City Hall there on May 17th. No, not Brown v Board of Ed stuff . . . but to support the Gays and Lesbians Who Will Actually Be Filing For Legal Marriage Certificates!

And, oh yeah -- Happy Cinco de Mayo ! I know a few of you out there will probably be celebrating the day. Have a 'Rita for me! (Or even a shot of Tequila :)

Anyone who knows me, knows that I quite dislike being told what to do. (Or, what I can or cannot do.)

You see, I have the unfortunate experience of working in a Center City building across from the Loews Hotel where John Kerry was speaking this morning. When I attempted to leave my office to have a cigarette in front of my building -which, by the way, is private property- I was told I could not go outside because "the area needed to be sanitized."

Is this what our democracy is coming to? Where are our individual freedoms? The right to assembly? Obviously, not on the sidewalk in the city where the U.S. Constitution was forged!

Had I not a grant proposal to get back to, I would have risked being arrested for expressing my basic civil rights. Then I remembered the activists from the Summer of The Republicans, who were “held indefinitely” by the city after expressing their right to assemble and their right to free speech.

I kind of want to be home tonight to watch “Friends”!

Promotion? The hulabaloo is all about the television ads for Be My Baby?

I think they're missing the point here.

It's not so much as how they're talking about the "competition" among five couples to adopt one child - like "Survivor" with babies - but also the action itself of the process and putting it on television. . . basically, exploiting these couples, this baby, the pregnant teenager.

Granted, they all put themselves out there. Who wouldn't? It's your 15-minutes of fame. And, for one lucky couple, the "grand prize" - a long-awaited child.

I like what Gloria Hochman of the National Adoption Center had to say : "It's not a service to portray a child as a commodity."

Oh that Barbara Walters. Ever since "The View" (in my estimation, one of the worst TV shows ever), I haven't been able to take her very seriously.

Now, it seems, she's hosting a special "reality show" called Be My Baby - with a premise that I first thought couldn't be true until I did some research on it.

You see, there I was, mindlessly watching TV the other night when my eye caught part of a commercial about the upcoming show. Hmmm, I thought. Cute baby. Nice families. Adoption? My ears perked up.

Then, the voiceover : "Five couples desperate to adopt, all competing for her baby. Four will lose, one will get the baby of their dreams."

How totally and insanely inappropriate for television, the families involved, that poor child who will grow up and whose parents will probably have the video saved for posterity and show it to every friend or potential friend of the child, etc.

But, most of all, how sad for those four families who will not be adopting this child; to have their deepest hopes and fears and that moment of "reality" (when they are not selected as a parent) broadcast on national TV!

Hmmm.... 2 women or 2 men kissing on TV gets "parental advisory suggested." THIS show gets prime time during sweeps week.

Where's Standards & Practices when you need them?

More on The March :

Some Young Women Activists With Whom I Work report that this occured: a friend of theirs was holding up a large sign in front of one of those gross, disgusting signs that a male Anti was holding up. The Anti got mad and started bopping the young woman on the head with her own sign. Ironically, the sign said "Stop Violence Against Women."

The Boss heard a radio report today calling it the Million Muff March.

My busmates were all surprised that my sister-in-law's 13 year old, hip, Main Line daughter had never heard "the C-word" before and had to ask what it meant.

One of my favorite t-shirts from the march : "I rode a Freedom Bus to the March for Reproductive Rights."

Oh, and did I tell you, The Banana was allowed to purchase one button. She chose a very nice Black Power fist button. I'm so proud I could cry!

Still listening to My NPR (not to be confused with My WaWa>, even though I know I can get Democracy Now on the Internet. While I might try for a switch eventually (like my train buddy Bryan), today, I'm catching up on the news.

"Day to Day" ran a nice piece today about same sex marriange. Although a judge ruled last Tuesday that Multnomah County, Oregon must stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, he also noted that the 3,022 marriage licenses issued to same-sex couples since March 3 are legally valid !

NPR is also reporting that "hundreds of thousands" marched on Washington yesterday for "abortion rights." I don't know about the other women and men who were marching, but I was marching for WOMEN'S LIVES and the FULL platform which also included : Choice, Justice, Access, Health, Global Rights, and Family Planning.

Oh, and there seemed like there were at least a million of us or more (as march organizers were reporting - as opposed to the lesser numbers NPR was reporting . . . maybe they think they're the U.S. Park Police who we all know had a history of "underestimating" numbers of marchers in D.C.)

Interestingly enough, even though tomorrow is Primary Election Day in Pennsylvania, the only item NPR has reported all day (besides the old news that "the Toomey-Spector race is close" is to remember to take photo I.D. with you when you vote. They'll be checking them this year! Like they're supposed to do every year (you know, so those Philadelphia ghosts don't vote) !

Went to the March on Washington for Women's Lives today with about a million other women (and a few assorted men).

Took our young budding feminist daughter, The Banana. Was surprised there weren't more moms and daughters or families there.

Don't get me wrong - there were some. But it seemed there were more at the less-well attended LGBT March on Washington a few years ago. That gathering even had a safe, secure, fun Family Area. Today, we had the carousel.

And those Anti's. . . with the horrifying pictures of mangled (and seemingly full-term) babies. In large, living color.

There oughta be a law against that sort of public display. We had to cover The Banana's eyes!

Then there was the guy holding the sign "John 3:16" - which refers to the passage in the New Testament noting "that God so loved the world that he (sic) sent his only son. . ."

. . . basically, to his (only son's) death.

Ironic, isn't it?

This item is too interesting not to print the headline that ran with the article in today's Inky : "A high five for the straight guy" (are they trying to compete with their sister paper ? ;)

Tonight, Mayor Street will receive the AIDS Funds' "2004 Favorite Straight Person of the Year."

How true, in love and politics, memories fade so easily.

Hello, people ! ? Let's review. . . (I'll skip a lot of the Catholic Church and Black Clergy's extremely homophobic actions and go right to the heart of the matter here: John Street).

When Mr. Street was City Council President, and then-Mayor Ed Rendell passed an Executive Order that granted domestic partnership benefits to a whole whopping 500 City employees, what did Mr. Street do?

Mr. Street strategized to oppose the Executive Order and, using his power and influence as City Council President, introduced a bill to place a non-binding referendum on the Nov. 1996 ballot as to whether domestic partnership benefits should be provided at taxpayer expense. President Street assigned the bill to the Rules Committee for hearings, a committee which he chaired.

Early that summer, Mr. Street joined forces with The Dev... oops, Mr. Devlin himself in a radio debate against Andrew Park of the Center for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights. (It's safe to say, "they" lost the debate. At one point, Mr. Street was speechless. Imagine!)

In the following weeks, his bill narrowly gets passed in the Rules Committee, he has to call a special session of City Council (about to go on "summer break") if he wants to pass the legislation. Political pressure ensues. Street backs down and cancels the special session.

Then - and here's my favorite part of the story - Mr. Street filed a lawsuit - as an individual, as a married resident of the city of Philadelphia, as a straight male - against Ed Rendell claiming that the Executive Order was discriminatory (against other individual, married straight residents of the City).

And kept at it - even as his lawsuit was dismissed by the Court of Common Pleas and, after he appealed the decision, the Commonwealth Court.

I also recall a lot of animosity of the LGBT community on his part, as he sided with the very homophobic rantings of Cardinal Bevilaqua and members of the Black Clergy.

Now, I ask you, why does anyone think Mr. Street's recent "work" with the LGBT community here means he's changed his tune? It's all politics. You really think he appointed out-gay-black-man-with-no-experience Michael Williams as head of the Minority Business Council because he is the best man for the job? Or that the Seventh Day Adventist in him really has compassion for our cause? (We're all going to hell in his mind, you know!).

So, the City is finally argued it domestic partnership case before the State Supreme Court in Devlin et al. vs the City of Philadelphia.

You remember Devlin - he's the guy who heads up the right-wing "christian" group Urban Family Council. Sued the city as a heterosexual guy, noting that the city is creating a "marriage-like institution" (as if !) which should only be allowed between - you know the rest of the argument here, say it with me: "one man, one woman."

For the record - and I speak as one of those who is a registered domestic partner in the City of Philadelphia - we got a whopping 4 rights with domestic partnerships here in Philly:

the honor of being able to register as life-partners in a city registry

protection, as "life partners," under the city's anti-discrimination law (which leaves me wondering, what about all of the other LGBT non-registered life partners in the city -- or those who visit the city -- or . . .)

if one of us dies or we break up, we'll get a real estate transfer tax break (assuming we own joint property), and

should we have some disposable income lying around and our partner happens to work for the City of Philadelphia, we can also receive health benefits through the city's policy.

Woo hoo. Marriage-schmarriage. My foot.

My favorite part of the story: Mr. Devlin (ya think anyone ever slips up and calls him by another name that starts with D-E-V. . . ?) took a moment to lead a prayer vigil to (his) God before the arguments in court.

I'm guessing that would be The Homophobic God that hears his prayers. MY God (Shekina these days, and those of you who've read "DaVinci Code" know what I mean !), a Loving God, would want me to be treated like my neighbor, like my fellow man/woman.

Me again. Sorry it's been a while, I've been busy waiting for spring. And, reading a lot (see below). But, have a few things to say, as usual.

On NPR today: they interviewed a lesbian parent who couldn't understand why anyone thought she and her partner of many years shouldn't get married - why, it seemed, they were pushing the gay agenda on the rest of the country. Her response: her only "gay" agenda that morning was trying to get her daughter to wear a clean skirt instead of the dirty, full of holes, pink one she insisted on wearing. I can relate.

Caught some of The Masters (golf tourney) on TV yesterday. Made The Gal watch a bit of it with me (and let me tell you, she hates golf). It was very exciting, the Back Nine. Two aces (holes-in-ones) within 10 minutes of each other. Phil wins with a sweeeeeeet putt on the 18th. Great shot of him hugging his curly-haired daughter (and, like all parents like to do, taking out her binky for the cameras).

Have been reading all of the Dan Brown ("DaVinci Code") books lately. Awesome thrillers. I highly recommend all of them - "Angels and Demons" (my fave, the prequel to DaVinci Code), "Deception Point" (very good, esp. if you like science, biology, SETI, etc.), and "Digital Fortress" (esp. for any techies among us, or if you like cryptology). I guarantee you won't be able to put them down!

The lesbian in me recently has become addicted to not only "The L-Word" (which had it's final 2004 episode last night, and has left me wanting more of course - and the DVD won't be out until the fall!) . . . but, Queer As Folk as well. Now, you may know how I just loved the Brit. version and refused to watch the U.S. version, esp. when I realized the first 4 episodes were exactly like the Brit version. But, I have been getting into Season 3 in anticipation for the start of Season 4 (this Sunday) and am quite into the story lines, characters, etc. (Now I gotta go back to Season 2 to see some of what I've missed!)

The MOM in me watched, in dismay, the recent Brittany Spears concert special (hey, it was on before L-Word and I had to get the timing right on my VCR). . . and I will say this about that: The Banana will NOT be going to any of her concerts any time soon! Pre-teens go to these shows? It was all sex, sex, skimpy clothes, more sex, simulated sex, and canned singing. I'm not shocked easily. This shocked me, though. She's barely "of legal" age herself. (Janet, now that's another story. . .)

Again, apologies from me for not having written much lately. Have been very busy with work and life. You know how it is. I'm here, today, however to share some trinkets of my life with you all, once again.

Woo hoo. Go St. Joe's. The Hawk Will Never Die 'Nuf said.

Feeling old lately. A co-worker recently asked me what "slash/femme fanfic" was. Had no clue. Looked it up on the 'Net. Intriguing.

From the pages of "feeling old" pt. II. . . went to a local pub last night, didn't know half the songs being played on the juke box. When I was young, I vowed I'd never get too old not to be up on all the current tunes. Waaaaah!

That new Brittany Spears tune is catchy, though. Does anyone else think the electrified string riff sound like something out of "Revenge of the Nerds" ? (You know, when they form a band and win over the campus, taking power away from the nasty frat boys)

Can you tell I've been watching "I Love the 80s" on VH-1 lately?

I know, I know. I haven't written in a while. Am kind of getting burned out on the whole Gay Marriage thing. Not quite into hoops yet. Have kind of been distracted by the Mass Media.

And, I think I'm addicted to "American Idol."

I just had to watch the 2-hour, final-12-contestant special. I can't explain why, but I really like Jon Peter. Maybe it's the Elvis thing. But I think the really good voices belong to Amy (but she didn't show it last night), Fantasia, and LaToya (my pick!).

Also, I've been spending time reading a great book lately, "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown (of "The DaVinci Code" - next on my reading list). A thriller! And, I just finished a good one, "The Anthrax Letters." (Guess who I borrowed that one from!)

Plus, we've subscribed to Net Flix and have to make sure we make time each week to watch the DVDs we rent, including "Kimba, The White Lion" (1966 versions), which The Banana just adores.

For us adults, I just went through the first season of "MI-5" ("Spooks" in the U.K.) - awesome - and we have "Lost In Translation" to get through this week. . .seeing as, like most parents we know, we hadn't seen any of the films up for Academy Awards (except, of course, "Finding Nemo") and now feel like we need to go back and rent them.

So, that's my life right now. It's cold, it's snowing, I'm being a Couch Potato.

So, I've been so busy writing about from my Activist hat, I almost forgot it's March. And that means . . . March Madness !

It's been hard to get excited about college hoops these days, as my Marquette boys lost in their conference tourney (N.I.T. here we come); as did the Marquette women (bubble team for NCAA ?).

St. Joe's men just lost last night; and the St. Joe's women dropped another close one to Temple, for the A-10 conference championship. The Hawks needed that win to be the automatic bid into the NCAA tourney. Another bubble year.

Plus, my high school girls team, Villa, lost in the western PA quarterfinals. No going to Hershey this year.

But, on the other hand. . . the Phillies are lookin' good this year!

Happy International Women's Day! What am I doing to "celebrate"? Well, besides having the day off from work, I'm . . .

. . . pondering this Martha Stewart thing! I mean, is this rampant sexism and celebrity-ism or what? Are any of the rich white men involved in this insider trading looking at 20 years time? Noooo. How 'bout that assistant of her broker - the one who made the phone call to her telling her the "inside information" on ImClone - HE'S getting federal immunity from prosecution!

. . . preparing for tonight's Indigo Girls concert. How you might ask? As usual. Listening ONLY to IG music today. Caught their appearance on the "Today" show. Tyring to select which concert t-shirt I will wear. Salivating over my 12th row, end-seats.

. . . sewing. Really. Just 'cuz I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I can't sew. I went to an all-girls high school; I took Home Ec; I can set a table with the best of them. Actually, I'm "mending." Five-year olds who go to kindergarten in the woods come home with lots of holes in their clothing!

. . . wondering where the rest of the high-profile lesbians are re: this whole Marriage thing. Poor Rosie; getting bashed again for being public about being gay and going to S.F. to marry. Where's Martina? Where's Melissa? Where's Ellen? k.d.? Jodie Foster (wait! she's not gay!). Senator Barbara Mikulski (wait! her too!). Or, how about somebody who might actually have some sway with this administration (no, not Barbara & Jenna). . . Mary Cheney!

San Francisco. New Paltz, New York. Multnomah County, Oregon. Forget Massachusetts, these communities are paving their own way in the Great Gay Marriage Debate.

Act Up! Fight Back!

So, there are some activists left in the community. I thought we had all shriveled up, gotten old, had kids, and nested. But, we are the graduates, after all, of ACT UP! and Queer Nation and The Lesbian Avengers.

We're Here! We're Queer! We're Out 'n' Proud, Get Used to It!

Funny it takes a little thing like the denial of our basic civil rights (and a few decades of debate) to get the ball rolling again.

= = = = =

Meanwhile, on the Homefront, Montgomery County (PA) District Attorney (running for state Attorney General) Bruce Castor had this to say when his Register of Wills asked for an opinion on issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples:

! Castor told Pierce (Register of Wills) that she and her office would potentially face criminal liability in issuing a marriage license to a gay or lesbian couple. !

! Castor also noted that any couple holding themselves out to be married for the sake of receiving marriage-related privileges available in Pennsylvania could be charged with fraud in a criminal prosecution. !

“There should be no ‘Rosie O’Donnell’ weddings in Pennsylvania, and there won’t be if I’m the Attorney General,” Castor said.

What a Butthead with a Capital "B."

By the way, he's a Republican (surprise, surpise)!

Things I Did Yesterday, part deux

So, yesterday, I had a News-Free day. No radio, no newspaper, no talking about newsworthy items, etc.

It was lovely.

Today, I did not.

In fact, today, I sat through an hour of a call-in radio show about, you guessed it, gay marriage! Specifically, the proposed Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) to only allow marriage to be between one man and one woman.

I did glean one interesting thing out of the show, however : the purpose of almost every other amendment to the U.S. Constitution (except Prohibition) -- real (Votes for Women) or proposed (the ERA) -- were to gain or secure rights for citizens, not take them away (like the FMA would).

Think about it!

Things I Did Yesterday - A Day in the Life of A Real-Live Lesbian Partner/Mother

Woke up. Brushed my teeth. Took a shower. Kissed my 5-year old daughter "good morning" and talked about what we wanted to buy her other mom, my partner, for her birthday.

Ran for the train. Talked about the Phillies' prospects with my Train Buddy Bryan. Double checked my calendar for meetings and "things to do today."

Had my coffee. Read my e-mails. Returned phone messages. Ate lunch. Earned my keep. Caught the train home. Got picked up by My Gal and The Banana. Had dinner. Tried not to have anything from "the treat box."

Watched some of "Wizard of Oz" on DVD with The Banana. Cuddled on the couch (she was scared by the witch - who isn't? I say!). Did some crossword problems. Kissed the girls goodnight as we read an Arthur chapter book. Watched "American Idol" (like half of America). Went to bed.

Got up to do it all again today.

Tell me, exactly HOW does MY LIFE threaten the lives of our elected heterosexual representatives? How does my family unit threaten the sanctity of marriage? Why is Bushie "troubled" that I make dinner for my family, read books at bedtime, watch family DVDs ?

Today: No News. Just Music, "to soothe the savage beast" in me.

The Pragmatist in Me Rears Its Ugly Head

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, the old mantra, "One step forward, two steps back" started creeping from the back of my brain to the front.

It's now on my living room couch.

You, see, he finally did it. Bushie reared HIS ugly head and blah, blah, blahed about how "enduring" the institution of marriage is, and how he supports a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage, blah blah blah.

[Which my Boss pointed out, how amazing it is how quickly folks jump on the anti-gay marriage amendment bandwagon but when we tried to get an amendment passed that would give women equal rights. . . how hard it was!]

Well, in a Feeble Attempt to Keep the Optimist Within Me Alive, I offer you this, from Leonard Pitts Jr. of the Miami Herald:

"It's a little know fact that MLK didn't really lead the March on Washington. What actually happened is that the marchers, a quarter-million strong, grew impatient waiting for the event to being and stepped off the curb ahead of schedule. King and the other march 'leaders' had to scramble to catch up.

"Forty-one years later. . . SF Mayor Gavin Newsom makes the quixotic decision to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples and suddenly gay men and lesbians are rushing as fast as planes, trains and Nikes will carry them to the city where Tony Bennett left his heart.

"The people who have been flocking to SF did not decide to be gay... What they have decided is that they are human beings worthy of human dignity; that they are tired of waiting for people to get that. What they have decided is that it's time to step off the curb.

Step off, I say!

Ah, public officials; keeping the news waves alive. Just heard another one! This one called the National Education Association (the union that represents teachers) a "terrorist organization."

The public official? The Secretary of Education himself, Rod Paige!

Meanwhile, on the home front: PA State Rep. Jerry Birmelin plans to introduce a bunch of amendments (oh, like, 50 !) to current legislation in an effort to "reinforce the importance of traditional families." Read: trash LGBT families!

Then, there's that Colorado football coach, Gary Barnett, who, in response to a former [female] football player's allegation of rape by a [male] teammate, basically, "blamed the victim" by saying the female football player "was not very good. She was awful (as a football player). You know what guys do? They respect your ability."

So, if you're not as good a football player as the next guy, that gives him the right to rape you?!

Ah, America. Freedom of Speech and all that. I don't recall ever learning about Freedom to Hate, though (and publicly, yet!). Hmmmm.

Ooooh! Did he just say "sanctity?" Yes, he did. Guess who I'm talking about? No, not everyone's favorite Bushie. . .

But - the mayor of San Francisco!

You'd think he was a homo himself, the way he's organized a civil action AND taken back a word - an adjective yet!

My, my. This gay marriage thing is turning into quite the battle, eh? I'd stop writing about it, but it's just so darned interesting. Not to mention, historical - and I can't wait to look back on my postings 10-20 years from now. (Kind of makes me wish I had been keeping a diary all my life!)

Anyhoo, then there IS Bushie, who took it upon himself to meet with, you guessed it, a group of Roman Catholic leaders! Because, what IS political power anyway if you can't pray with them what brung ya!* (A tip o' the nib to Molly Ivans, there!)

Made me nostalgic a bit, 'cuz it reminded me of one of my first posts here, when I also wrote about separation of church and state (see my archives - August 31, 2003).

Remember back then. . . it was the "Summer of the Gays" and all was well with the world. Folks actually loved and embraced us then.

I knew it wouldn't last long!

Well, I am back from a quick trip to Western PA for a family funeral. Just wanted to share with you this conversation that occurred between me and The Banana, just before I left. From the Mouths of Babes:

Me: "Would you like to make a nice card for Anna (The Banana's cousin, also 5-1/2 years old)? I'll be seeing her tomorrow."

The Banana: "No."

Me: "How about giving her one of your old stuffed animals to hug? She's probably really sad since her Grand Pop just died."

The Banana: "Maybe."

Me: "Well, what do you think would make her feel better?"

The Banana: (without skipping a beat) "Making her Grand Pop 'not dead' " !

A tip o' the nib to my good friend Annie B. who reminded me, upon reading my post on 2/12 (re: the 10 year old caught in the crossfire outside his elementary school) of that great song by Cheryl Wheeler, which I hereby reprint without permission, but with great respect for the artist.

"If It Were Up To Me" by Cheryl Wheeler

Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's the books
Maybe it's the bullets, maybe it's the real crooks
Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the parents
Maybe it's the colors everybody's wearin'
Maybe it's the President, maybe it's the last one
Maybe it's the one before that, what he done
Maybe it's the high schools, maybe it's the teachers
Maybe it's the tattooed children in the bleachers
Maybe it's the Bible, maybe it's the lack
Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the crack
Maybe it's the hairdos, maybe it's the TV
Maybe it's the cigarettes, maybe it's the family
Maybe it's the fast food, maybe it's the news
Maybe it's divorce, maybe it's abuse
Maybe it's the lawyers, maybe it's the prisons
Maybe it's the Senators, maybe it's the system
Maybe it's the fathers, maybe it's the sons
Maybe it's the sisters, maybe it's the moms
Maybe it's the radio, maybe it's road rage
Maybe El Niño or UV rays
Maybe it's the army, maybe it's the liquor
Maybe it's the papers, maybe the militia
Maybe it's the athletes, maybe it's the ads
Maybe it's the sports fans, maybe it's a fad
Maybe it's the magazines, maybe it's the internet
Maybe it's the lottery, maybe it's the immigrants
Maybe it's taxes, big business
Maybe it's the KKK and the skinheads
Maybe it's the communists, maybe it's the Catholics
Maybe it's the hippies, maybe it's the addicts
Maybe it's the art, maybe it's the sex
Maybe it's the homeless, maybe it's the banks
Maybe it's the clearcut, maybe it's the ozone
Maybe it's the chemicals, maybe it's the car phone
Maybe it's the fertilizer, maybe it's the nose rings
Maybe it's the end, but I know one thing
If it were up to me, I'd take away the guns

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours. My Boss (not Bruce, but my Real Boss at work) passed along this lovely essay by none other than Bill Maher. . . (color emphases are mine).

Valentine's Day, that great state holiday
by Bill Maher

On the occasion of this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves: What business is it of The State how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?

And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, birthdays are important, too - why not include them in the great document? Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things, like schools, prison, Social Security - OK, so how about we privatize privacy? If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli.

Republicans used to be the party that opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people, and encourage it for others. If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to encourage and promote marriage - including seed money to pay an old Jewish woman to call up people at random and say "So why aren't you married, Mr. Big Shot?"

But when it comes to homosexuals, Republicans sing "I Love You Just the Way You Oughta Be." They oppose gay marriage because it threatens or mocks - or does something - to the "sanctity of marriage," as if anything you can do drunk out of your mind in front of an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas could be considered sacred. Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked-up, rich or desperate, but in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing - kind of like what his Dad has with the Saudis.

But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue - they really believe that homosexuality, because it says so in the Bible, is an "abomination" and a "dysfunction" that's "curable": they believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay - because the theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an "abomination," and therefore their refusal to endorse gay marriage is a hypocrisy. The right are true believers, but the Democrats are merely pretending that they believe gays are not entitled to the same state-sanctioned misery as the rest of us. The Democrats' position doesn't come from the Bible, it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.

Well, you know what: Sometimes "most Americans" are wrong. Where's the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of "civil union" and "hate the sin, love the sinner," and say loud and clear: `There IS no sin, and homosexuality is NOT an abomination' -- although that Boy George musical Rosie O'Donnell put on comes close. The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.

But that aside, the law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100 percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire Island gay, and that they don't need re-programming. They need a man with a slow hand.

By the way, it's National Freedom to Marry week. Really. Has been for the past few years; but seems really important this year, eh? Interesting that this is the week the Massachusetts legislators have decided to debate same-sex marriage. Since I'm on the topic, a few words from my personal soapboax:

In case I haven't mentioned it before, there are 1,049 federal "rights" that married heterosexual partners have under law that gays and lesbians do not. This begs the question, how is a "civil union" even close to providing any full and equal rights?

Why is it always the Black Clergy in any city that adamantly opposes same-sex marriage? Do they not recall the years when "negros" and "whites" were legislatively barred from marrying each other?

Ya gotta love those San Franciscan City Officials for "marrying" a whole bunch of gays and lesbians yesterday. Talk about guerrilla activism! Who knew that city officials (Mayors, even?) could be activists, too?

Oh, and this whole Bushie thing and the "sanctity" of marriage? I got sick of hearing it and looked up the word "sanctity" at Dictionary.com :

sanc·ti·ty (sngkt-t)

1. Holiness of life or disposition; saintliness.
2. The quality or condition of being considered sacred; inviolability.
3. Something considered sacred.

Hmmm... lots of "religious" connotations here. I thought Marriage was a Civil Right. We're not talking masses and chupahs here. We're talking about civil, legal protections! Don't even get me started on the separtion of Church and State issue!

I cried on the train today. I was reading the newspaper.

Yesterday, a young boy, just 10 years old, was caught in the crossfire outside of his elementary school. Just going to school in the morning, shot in the head and is in critical condition today.

Last week, I wrote about how thankful I am for all that I have.

Today, I am angry about all that I don't have - and what our children don't have. Things like decent schools, enough food and shelter, and safety and security in their own homes and neighborhoods.

I blame the Guns.

I know, without guns, there'd still be the Violence. But Guns put it on a whole different level. "Innocent victims" (and if you know me, you know I hate that phrase but just had to use it here) get caught in the crossfire. Families are torn apart. Communities suffer.

Think of it this way: if those supposed-"adults" who were involved in a public dispute did not have Guns yesterday, if they had to resort to their fists or knives or verbal threats as their Means of Violence, a young boy would be in school this morning. Safe. Secure. Learning. Helping. Living.

I spoke to a class of (mostly) seniors at a Philly public high school today about being a gay mom/activist. I was their real live lesbian.

I used to speak in schools when I lived in Baltimore, back in the early 90s. Interesting in how just 10+ years so much has changed. Then, the questions were, "So, what do lesbians do exactly?" and . . . "How did you know you were a lesbian?"

Now, the questions are "How did your daughter decide what to call you (Mommy, Mama, Mima)?" and "Do you think the guys on 'Queer Eye' are too stereotypical?"

I realized, while speaking, how many of my reference points were now "history" - the Anita Bryant/ Florida orange juice boycott; the early days of the AIDS epidemic when gay partners were not permitted to visit their lovers in many hospitals; the only gay character on TV being Jody, on the late-night show "Soap"; the 3 whole gay books my small town Waldenbooks carried when I was coming out.*

I feel really old.

But, happy. I realized that I, personally, have seen so much in the last 25 years in terms of the gay/lesbian civil rights movement, and that each day we make more history.

I never thought, in my lifetime, we'd see a push for gay marriage. I remember the fights for basic non-discrimination policies. Then, the Hawaii years. The internal battles over civil unions vs marriage (when exactly did "marriage" win out among our leaders, by the way?). And, now, we're so close to actual marriage rights.

Seems too good to believe. (The Pessimist in me, of course, is chanting the mantra of "one step forward, two steps back" and is just waiting for the footprints to appear. . .)

But, it's HISTORY (HERSTORY) none-the-less !


* For those of you who recall the 1970's and the lack of LGBT literature then, you can relate that the books I poured over were "Rubyfruit Jungle," "The Dancer & The Dance," and "The Front Runner." That was it. No others, unless you count the non-fiction books like "Lesbian / Woman," "Lavender Culture," or even "The Kinsey Report."

Ok, I'm feeling like I can't ignore the hot news of the week - this whole boob thing with Janet Jackson, NBC & ER, and the media.

What an obsession! The media has nothing better to report on? NBC execs have no other shows to admonish? (Like, the women on "The Apprentice" are sooooo chastely attired!)

Sports guy Frank Fitzpatrick of the Inky had some great comments on the whole situation, putting it all in perspective. If I may (since he said it much better than I could):

"So I'm sitting there with my family enjoying the classy commercials in which a horse breaks wind in a woman's face and a young boy watches a man in a skirt expose himself when that brazen hussy Janet Jackson goes and ruins Super Bowl XXXVIII."

"I mean, Super Bowl Sunday is supposed to be a perfect day. You can get falling-down drunk in front of your kids... eat like Hollis Thomas... watch football for hours, and gamble away money you can't afford to lose."

"Next year, I won't allow (my son) to watch, and that's a shame. He'll probably never know that life's precious moments are courtesy of MasterCard or that Anheuser-Busch spends millions because they want him to drink responsibly."

Oh, and the "E.R." thing. . . NBC can't show a women's breast in the context of a medical situation and after prime-time (remember, parents, kids aren't supposed to be watching then!) but they have Whoopi smoking like a chimney, Danny DeVito stripping on "Friends," and such high-brow television like "Fear Factor," and "Average Joe."

Hmmm. Go figure.

Woo hoo! Gay Marriage in the news again!

Finally (!) there's a Supreme Court in the land (Massachusetts Supreme Court) that made the "right decision." My favorite quote from the opinion: "For no rational reason, the marriage laws of the Commonwealth discriminate against a defined class..."

Finally! Someone calling the kettle black, as they say.

Even better, the Court pretty much came out and said that civil unions just don't cut it.. Only marriage provides full and equal rights. All 1,049 of them (and that's just the federal ones!).

GLAD, the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders organization based in Boston, lists some good ones (state and federal) on their web site.

Besides the usual automatic rights (which marriage provides) to make medical decisions, to transfer property without taxation, to receive line of duty death benefits, to take family leave to care for a sick partner, etc., let us not forget:

The right to shared fishing licenses

The right to sue for a "wrongful autopsy"

The duty to disclose a spouses' name, occupation, and employer during jury selection (to avoid conflicts of interest)

And, the duty of fidelity!

Back from the North Coast... bet you didn't know it's called that, eh? Frosty Lake Erie and environs were mighty cold, and it snowed pretty much every day I was there.

It was interesting to be back in a Snow Belt town that knows how to deal with snow and ice and such - i.e. folks actually know how to drive in the muck; the municipalities actually clear the snow and melt the ice in the roads; people actually wash their cars (when it's not freezing out!) to get the salt scum off (which can rust a vehicle).

But, anyhoo, I digress. Am back near the Mason-Dixon line where a "winter weather advisory" means to stock up on bread and milk and they're counting down the days until summer. Really. I saw it on the morning news, right before the story of the day...

...the ricin they found in the Dirkson office building ! Now, you should know (if you don't already), I enjoy a good bio-terrorism book, and books about public health and diseases like yellow fever and such, and have read just about everything printed re: 9/11.

So, there I was in Baltimore this weekend, making my way back home, and my good friend Monica loaned me her book about the October 2001 Anthrax letters (no, they never did figure out "whodunit"!). So, I'm reading this book (and washing my hands every 1/2 hour, and not breathing on my train ride home, etc.) and now there's a new scare!

Interestingly enough, Monica & I were just discussing how prepared (or not) we feel our respective cities are to handle major terrorism events or public health disasters (it's kind of her field of work). I personally believe that Philadelphia is way under-prepared. Think I'll head back to the Snow Belt!

Today, I'm off to Cleveland for my mom's surgery and to see my family. Along the way, I will stay with some good friends. Makes me thankful for what I have.

As kismet will have it, the "song of the week" from The Indigo Girls (posted on the Epic Records web site each week until the new album is released), is "All That We Let In", the title track. I won't post all the lyrics here, as they are copywritten, but a few that spoke to me, as I notice these things as well, and am glad, and thankful, for all that I've let in. (Thanks for inviting me!)

"Dust in our eyes our own boots kicked up
Heartsick we nursed along the way we picked up
We may not see it when its sticking to your skin
but we're better off for all that we let in

Lost friends and loved ones much too young
with so much promise and work left undone
when all that guards us is a single center line
and the brutal crossing over when its time

See those crosses on the side of the road
tied with ribbons in the median
it makes me grateful I can go this mile
lay me down and wake me up again

I pass the cemetery walk my dog down there
I read the names of the stone and say a silent prayer
when I get home your cooking supper on the stove
and the greatest gift of life is to know love

and I don't know where it all begins
and I don't know where it all will end
better off for all that we let in"

-- Emily Saliers

Another week, another nice, long weekend (it snowed here, the City pretty much shuts down in that case). . .

Caught a b-ball game this weekend: St. Joe's women vs. Temple & the aura of Dawn Staley. Exciting game. Went into OT. Close all throughout. The Hawks lost, though; but it was a very good match.

Went to the game with my friend Paula and her kids Liza and Noah. Noah is 8 and actually likes to go to the women's games (unlike some of my neighbor's sons, nephews, and even my daughter - who mostly enjoys the mascot and the snack food). Good to see that some boys appreciate the women's game!

So, the 2nd episode of The L-Word was much better than the pilot. Very funny. True-to-life. Flowed well. I somehow pressed the wrong button and didn't tape it, however! (But, it's on again Weds. night, so I'll get to it for those of you on my tape-trading list!)

Speaking of tv shows, how's "Sex and the City" going? Since I switched to Showtime, I miss my straight girls. I just gotta know, when will Mr. Big come back?

Speaking of both of those shows, I was "educated" by My Gal last week when I wondered, out loud, why our friend Kathy (a straight, married woman) would want to borrow my tape of "The L-Word," as she is not a lesbian. The Gal pointed out to me that I quite enjoy "Sex and the City," even though I'm not straight. Touche.

Ok, a few quick things, after a lo-o-o-ong weekend. . .

Yes, I know the Iggles lost. No need to call me to rub it in. So our offense didn't show up at the game. Not surprising to us Philadelphians. We're used to being disappointed -- but, 3 years in a row?!

Thankfully, The L-Word started this weekend, and I was still awake (after the football game) and watched it "live." It was very good. Not gonna be all things to all people; but, enjoyable. While many lesbians are griping about the show on various bbs, I will say this: lesbians in real life aren't perfect, why would you expect them to be on a T.V. show?

Went to neighbor Roger's to watch the football game on Sunday with him and his college roommate Steve. And, what did the Mt. Airy Men serve? Raw carrots, broccoli, crackers, and brie with fig sauce. (Okay, there were hot wings, too; granted, they were the frozen pop-in-the-oven kind, but good and hot!).

Kinda bummed that my suggestion for a new PA tourism slogan wasn't one of the Top 5 currently being voted on at Visit PA. I submitted a catchy little phrase, I thought: stuPENNdous, TREEmendous, outRAGEous, PA.

Had time this weekend to even watch a DVD on our new DVD player... John Sayles' Sunshine State. Very good flick. He might just be my favorite director. Edie Falco rocked! Angela Bassett -- awesome!

It's true. I've been "found out". When I have to do mindless tasks in my office (today, I'm making raffle tickets), I play my CDs and sing out loud to them.

Today, it's none other than. . . the Indigo Girls. Surprise. (Hey, their new CD comes out on Feb 17th, gotta get warmed up for the release!)

So, I'm listening to this new song of Amy's called "Let Me Go Easy" about a friend of hers who died of ovarian cancer and it reminded me of my recent holiday vacation....

...Mostly, the 5+ hours I spent with my dad in the emergency room of the Montgomery County (MD) General Hospital before they finally admitted him, since he had pneumonia, you see. (My brother Sam was not as lucky; he spent about 9 hours there!)

Emergency rooms are icky places. And, since it was a Friday night, there were the usual drunken brawlers and car accidents, as well as many folks with the flu that's been going around, a variety of mental illnesses, and a handful of "older people" with pneumonia-type symptoms like my dad.

This, after I had just spent 2 hours finally seeing an adult movie, and what did I choose to see? "21 Grams" - a film about life, death, family, and love. "21 grams" is supposedly the amount of body weight you lose the exact moment you die (your soul?).

You can guess how weird it was to be in the E.R. shortly after having viewed this film. On top of that, my mom is about to go into the hospital for surgery after having been diagnosed with -- yep, you guessed it -- ovarian cancer.

But, in a wry twist, it's been comforting to listen to the Amy song. About moving on and leaving a legacy and memories and finding peace after long struggles (the woman in the song was an activist).

Kind of like my favorite Beatitude, from my Catholic childhood, "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall have their fill" (upon dying, in Heaven).

Today, a few tidbits from my life. . .

How 'bout them Iggles (Philadelphia Eagles, to you non-fans), eh? Fourth-and-26 and the whole City thought the season was over. D-man to Freddy! Field goal! OT! Brett tosses one up! Dawkins intercepts! Field goal! Put a big "W" on the board, we're hosting Carolina!

And, for the record, Favre gets lucky when he tosses one up like that and his guys catch the ball. I'm sick of hearing already how he (Favre) lost the game; the Iggles defense blitzed, Favre was rushed, we were ready for a "toss-up"!

What's this I hear on NPR about DuPont thinking it might dump some VX nerve gas remnants into the Delaware River? Disposal of the waste products of chemical agents is tricky stuff. I may never drink tap water again! (And I may have to devise a plan to be on the road when they think they'll transport the stuff from Indiana to Delaware!).

While I spent most of my weekend at bat mitzvah parties and catching portions of football games, I did happen to stay up for Sex and the City last night. It was, actually, really kind of boring. Last week's was sooooo good (Carrie taking a "lov-ah" and all); last night was, well... like it's title, kind of "ick-y."

I did happen to catch a bit of that new "reality" show Airline this week; about the trials and tribulations of airline personnel. I feel so sorry for them! Some customers are really mean. I'm flying Southwest in a couple of weeks and think I'll be extra nice to my crew and ticket agents!

And, how about that Paul O'Neill on 60 Minutes last night, saying that Bush II had always planned to invade Iraq, even before 9/11. Hmm. Sadaam. Bush I. Revenge factor. Not a surprize. But, Bushie using 9/11 terrorism and "WMD" as lies for the American people and "excuses" to invade Iraq, now we've got a problem!

Today's topic : Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From "Finding Nemo"

Actually, not everything, but enough.

Like, watch out for those bottom-feeders. Things aren't always what they appear to be (how much did we adults love the sharks-in-recovery?). Just relax and ride the waves, dude.

My favorite, though, just keep swimming. My latest "mantra". [Maybe I should do a mantra-of-the-week, eh?]

Plus, I also love how they made Dory the fish so very "human" with her short-term memory loss. Since my mother, although she won't admit it, experiences similar tendencies, I appreciate that Dory (Ellen DeGeneres, in her finest hour, yet, I'd have to say) brings humor to the situation. You can't help but like her.

I was happy to find out this morning that We, The People, nominated "Nemo" as a Best Film of 2003 for the People's Choice Awards. Since it will never get the Oscar, it's good to know that it's so greatly appreciated and loved by many already. [We don't even own it on VHS or DVD, yet we've seen it about 6 times since X-mas!]

If you haven't seen it yet, get thee to a DVD!

Had dinner with our friends Jon and Claire recently. Jon was noting how his son is now old enough to leave things in his wake, i.e. his socks on the couch where he just sat.

Jon commented on how nice it was to know that, when he sat down on the couch, his little boy had been there recently.

I nodded appreciatively, knowing how parents like to share stories and thoughts about their children and their lives as parents. But, I didn't fully comprehend Jon's emotions until yesterday.

The Banana spent a day in my office over the holidays and kept herself quite busy with her favorite play items -- office supplies like scissors, glue, hole punches, staples and, especially, tape!

I knew she was making pictures and taping together paper and stapling things (I had to continue to refill the stapler for her), and she showed me most of her creations. We packed them up in her backpack before we left and I thought that was that.

So, yesterday, there I was - coming back to my office after lunch and fiddling with my office door key when I noticed a new addition. Among the four or five Banana creations on my door was a new one : a beautifully colored, stapled, folded and rubber-banded (!) item taped to my door.

I had to smile. My Banana had left her mark and I hadn't even noticed. It was comforting to know she had been there. And that she thought to leave me a gift.

Now I understand what Jon was talking about.

Happy New Year, everyone! Welcome to 2004. Let's hope this year brings us all some "peace, love, and understanding", eh?

So, what's on my agenda for the New Year? Well, I can't seem to get cable TV (premium channels) off my mind. Yes, I may actually switch from HBO - even though last night's first episode of "Sex in the City" was soooo funny - to Showtime.

I finally watched the entire video I have of "Earthlings" - an early version of Showtime's "The L-Word" - and I'm pleased to report there actually was more lesbian sex as the video progressed, and pretty steamy lesbian sex, to boot.

Totally worth the switch, I'm thinking.

I mean, Jennifer Beals ! (All us children of the '70s know "Flashdance") A lesbian couple trying to conceive a child sub-plot ! A closeted professional tennis player character ! Funny double entendres and lesbian jokes.

I stick by my original statement that, while it's not a totally realistic representation of lesbian women, television is a fantasy realm. Like "Friends", the "L-Word" women are mostly very white, very cute and thin, have great hair and clothes and cars (hey, it's L.A.!), and never seem to work much.

I like to suspend my disbelief for awhile and just enjoy, don't you?

Plus, it's winter now, and cable TV is a great indoor treat.

Today, putting in a little plug for the upcoming Showtime series "The L Word" . . . yep, it stands for Lesbian.

[Side note: Why don't some people like this title? I like it; it implies that lesbians are still kind of invisible, thus this show, and the lifestyle sort of taboo. . . and it'ss much better than the original title of the show, "Earthlings"]

So, this weekend my gal and I screened a rough copy of the original pilot for this show (when it was, yes, still called "Earthlings" - don't get me started on that name!). Not bad at all, I say.

I'm soooo tempted to switch from my beloved HBO to Showtime, just to get this show. (Ok, AND "Queer As Folk")

Because we saw the first draft pilot, some of the content will be changed for the Showtime version -- and let's just hope it's the sex scenes! We counted not 1, not 2, but 4 times the heterosexual couple "did the deed"*** -- while only 1 brief, albiet in a swimming pool, scene of a lesbian couple.

The show itself, nicely filmed, somewhat funny, cute cast. Could use more diversity, but this is about a group of friends, almost all of whom are young, thin, white, hip, etc. Not very realistic, but, hey, this IS television here, folks! I, for one, like my fantasies to have some "fantasy" to them.

On a side note, I used the phrase "doing the deed" above because, while leafing through my 18-year old neices' copy of Cosmo this weekend, yes, I discovered, ALL of the articles were quite graphically about sex. . . except they used these sort of euphimisms.

So, while the magazine's content was clearly for the young women among us (I'm thinking the 24-35 demographic), the phrasing appealed to an even younger crowd. Not sure how comfortable I am with 14 year olds reading about how to give a guy the perfect blow job (which, the article pointed out, wasn't really about blowing at all... but about other, graphic, activities not to be reprinted here in this family blog!).

So, Saturday afternoon, I found myself with a free hour to myself, sitting in our family room flipping through the TV channels - and what calls out to me? A repeat showing of "In the Gloaming". . .

. . .the Christopher-Reeve-directed TV movie about a young man (Robert Sean Leonard) who goes home to Connecticut to die (he has AIDS) and has long, meaningful chats with his (previously) emotionally distant mother (Glenn Close).

When I first saw the movie, I totally related with the son - Danny. Lack of communication with his family, moved far away, couldn't talk about being gay. I've worked for a few AIDS agencies, and I knew the things the movie portrayed - Danny's mom didn't want to touch him, his sister wouldn't let his nephew visit, his father didn't want to talk to him.

This time around, though, I totally connected with the mother - who just wanted to know, basically, if Danny had been happy - if he had loved and been loved in return in his life. (He had.)

So, there I was, alone in my house, bawling my eyes out, hoping that I won't ever have to ask The Banana questions like Glenn Close had to ask Danny as they spent his final months together, to find out about his life, his interests, his thoughts and feelings.

Thankfully, The Banana shares these things with us constantly. Ok, so she's only five. I know, when she's a teenager, blah, blah, blah. I just hope we're getting her into a good pattern of talking with us about things. And that she'll always feel she can come to us to talk.

Oh, and that she'll love and be loved in return.

Go on, call me the "B" word, you know you wanna. That's my new mantra. Waddya think?

Since I've turned 40, I've noticed how much I don't care anymore what other people think. I've started speaking up more about all kinds of things and can hear those whispers in people's heads, which probably also start with the word "Fat," seeing as I've heard that all my life, too. Not very original, folks.

Today, let me share with you my Septa story. Here is the gist of letter I sent customer service:

"While waiting for the R8 at Carpenter this morning, I saw an orange Septa truck park in one of the two handicapped spots in the parking lot. I pointed this out to the drive and he nicely moved the vehicle. He and two other men were having their morning coffee in the truck. [MV note: not that there's anything wrong with that]

"About 1 minute later, another man exited the truck and approached me, asking who I was. I answered that I was a concerned Septa customer, who has seen at least 2 cars with H/C tags park in the Carpenter lots. He pointed to a snow pile in the "reserved for Septa" parking spot, mentioned that the truck would normally park there, and asked if I would like to shovel the snow! [the noive!]

"I said, "No, I believe that would be Septa's responsibility." He said that Septa contracted out for that service. I replied that perhaps Septa take this up with the contractors, then. I also asked why he wanted to know who I was - and who was he? He then walked into the ticket agent's office without answering."

So, there I was -- being questioned by a Septa employee as to who I was and why I was getting involved in a situtation that clearly violated Septa regulations, not to mention the law! I could hear the whispers.

Seems like a lot of the whispers are coming during normal, urban life-type situations: asking the kids on the sidewalk to move a bit so I can walk by them to our offices; asking grown adults to please not use the "F" word when my 5-year old daughter is right there; asking other Septa customers to please move their bags off the seat so I could sit down; asking a co-worker to please not scoff at me for asking a question in a staff meeting about the Team Builder exercise we were doing!

People, people, people. Call me what you will. I've only just begun!

Today's topic : The "T" Word. Testosterone.
Why I like it. Why we need it. How are lives are better for it.

I pondered this subject over the weekend, as Our Man Roger, neighbor-extraordinairre, cleaned out our gutters, took our huge and heavy air conditioner out of the first floor window and down to our basement, and pulled a very large and ominus looking branch off our porch roof.

It got me thinking about all those folks who, somehow, think lesbians "hate" men. To set the record straight (so to say), neither I nor any of the lesbians I know and love hate men.

I grew up with two brothers, the youngest of whom was my best friend and sidekick through our elementary school years. I adore my father and my uncles, particularly my godfather. Male cousins, too; who I've shared my youth with, and now our adult lives.

On the local front, I pondered, there's my Train Buddy Bryan - with whom I can talk sports, growing up in western PA, progressive politics, and raising daughters with.

And there's Jon, who will actually attend a girl's basketball game with me (even if his son is not to thrilled about it and would rather see the boys' game), and with whom I can share Cooking Light and WW recipies.

And let's not forget the Fathers of Children in My Daughters' Class and the local Brothers-In-Law, both sets of whom I always seem to end up talking with at any school, class, family gatherings.

So, here's to the Men in my life = hoo ha!

Finally! I've always known in the back of my mind that Wal-Mart is evil. Thanks to the New York Times and today's Radio Times (local Philly talk show), I've learned a lot more about why I think this way. In a nutshell:

Wal-Mart = "low prices"
Low prices = low wages for workers.
No benefits for workers.
No "right" to unionize.
Low prices = competition.
Other stores close.
Low wages = competition.
Other workers lose.

Wal-Mart family members comprise, like, 5 of the Top 10 Richest Americans.
In 2003, they (Mrs. W and kids) were #s 4-8 according to Forbes.
If Mr. W. were alive today and had not distributed his wealth to his wife and children, he'd be 2x richer than Bill Gates! We're talking "bil-yuns and bil-yuns" here!

Are they hoarding their $$$ ? Not necessarily. Their family foundation does give lots of money away (yet, the family members still are all billionaires). Let's take a look at their charitable giving, shall we?

Hmmm. "Education". . .

Charter schools. Education reform focusing on accountability. Scholarships for children "who do not have the opportunity to attend quality public schools" to attend private schools. Gee whiz. They could put their billions into public education and imagine what great public schools they would have!

Also, they gave a lot of $$$ to U. of Arkansas and Catholic Social Services, and tend to keep the majority of their giving within Arkansas and Mississippi.

Perusing their Annual Report, I especially enjoyed their 2002 gift of $191,500 to the National Cowgirl Museum & Hall of Fame; and was dismayed to discover that they gave $50,000 to my alma mater, Marquette!

Now, let's look at my favorite retailer Target and their Community Foundation:

Arts. Culture. Social Services. Emergency food pantries, assistance programs, housing programs. Food, shelter and clothing to at-risk families. Much more in line with my own personal values.

Anyhoo. There it is. There you have it. If you're luck enough to live in a large Metropolitan area and have choices, use your freedom of choice. It's your inalienable right.

Sports Bits by moi.

Watched the awesome Eagles game Sunday. Fly, Eagles, Fly. . .! Also watched the post-game press conferences and analysis on Comcast. I just can't help myself. I love that our governor is a sports fan and spends his few free hours a week talking about football. However, I couldn't help but notice how much "talk" there's been lately on the post-game show regarding clothes and hair. Are all these guys turning metrosexual? Not only do they talk amongst themselves about each other's clothes and hair, but did I not actually hear one of the reporters ask a player what designer (as opposed to whose throwback jersey) he was wearing?

On the hoops front, while it's not anywhere near March Madness yet, college hoops has begun and Marquette is 6-0. Not time yet to pull out my Final Four t-shirts to wear, yet; but I've thought about it. I did, of course, miss their 1st TV game (Coaches v Cancer), as our cable was out that night! And, I forgot about the 2nd one (MU-Notre Dame, the "old" rivalry from our Independent days). I'll blame it on the time change.

Oh, well, gotta get all my energy up for the St. Joe's - UConn women's game here at the Palestra. Small, old gym. Loud as heck. Me = tix 3 rows back from the SJU bench. It'd best not snow! First, though, gotta get through 'Nova (tonight) and UVA and Debbie Ryan. Tough schedule, re-vamped team. It'll be good to see Sue Moran again, back as an Assistant Coach after warming the bench for the Liberty.

On the high school front, I was surprised to learn this week that the Alliquippa (Pittsburgh) sports teams are called The Quips. My friend Bryan (from Pittsburgh) sez that's cause the area thar is called The Quip. Still, couldn't they foresee the "Quips and Bloods" jokes coming?

Here's a "shout out" to My Man Roger -- cyclist extraordinairre -- who faithfully rode his bike to work last Friday, during the blizzard-like conditions. Actually, his ride home was worth noting: snowy, icy, and all uphill back to the homestead. I hearby nomintate ye for My First Annual I-Wanna-Be-Like-Lance (but I won't be leaving my wife anytime soon) Award

So, speaking of relations, and family and such. . . I recently wrote a small piece to submit to local print media re: gay marriage. Who knows if they'll ever publish it? I thought. "Aha!" I said to myself. "Self, you can publish it on your blog!" Thus. . .

A Case for Gay Marriage

Like any other parent, my greatest fear since my daughter's birth has been worrying about her safety. Every step she's taken, every jungle gym she's climbed on or steps she's jumped from – I visualized bad bruises, broken bones, stitches and CAT scans.

But my larger fear, one that my heterosexual neighbors and friends don't understand, is that I could be denied the right to be with her in the hospital, emergency room, or even the doctor's office.

It happens. Homophobic doctors; liability and malpractice issues; HIIPA regulations about sharing medical information. I lived through the 80s when gay partners were not allowed to be with their dying lovers. My fear is real.

Why? Because as a lesbian parent – the non-birth mother – I did not, until recently, have legal standing in her life, even though I've raised her from birth. It was only this year (she's 5 now) that "second parent" adoptions were upheld by the PA state supreme court and I could legally adopt my daughter.

I still have some fear left in me, but it's subsided, thanks to the courts. (And, yes, I carry a copy of our adoption papers and her birth certificate with me in my wallet!)

But, I don't have that slip of paper for my partner of 10 years – the mother of our child, my lifemate. Because we can't legally marry (using the civil definition of the word), I could very well be denied access to her hospital room, medical records - even though I am her medical power of attorney - or, worse, her deathbed.

The fear lives on. And, while marriage would afford gay men and lesbians like myself many other civil rights, it is this one that I am most concerned about. I made a vow to love and comfort my partner "in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

If only the legislature and the courts will give me that chance.

Walking to work today, watching the birds and the snow and the trees, I realized that I didn’t really explain yesterday's post regarding the phrase “All My Relations.”

Originally, I intended it to mean not only my family-of-origin, but all my related families of choice – in particular, my many good friends : those whom I spent Thanksgiving with, those who’ve moved away and we communicate mostly by e-mail but who still understand my comings-and-goings, those who still live nearby and we talk via phone and try to connect every few months or so. . .

But, the phrase means much more than that; and I intended it to be understood in the larger sense, as well.

“All My Relations” refers to the interactions of all relationships up to the present moment. One definition is that “It brings together in our consciousness all our ancestors, parents, children, husband, wives, friends, life partners and lovers as gifts to the present moment.”

It also refers to the inclusiveness of everything in and around us (i.e. in nature) being a part of us, and us, a part of everything. “Realizing self and owning our interrelationship with the living world around us, and with the Great Spirit and Mother Earth. The flow of nature outside us and within us is the natural order of things. We are not apart from it; we do not exist of it. We exist along with it.”

It is about achieving proper relations ("respect" and "reciprocity") with all living things, all life, all creatures, all creation and the Creator.

Native Americans use the phrase to begin and end prayers and speeches – “for all that is above me, below me, and all around-me, all my relations.”

For All My Relations, I am thankful.

It appears I'm into "lists" these days, doesn't it? Well, here's another one, then:

Things I'm Thankful For This Thanksgiving

my family ("all my relations")

especially, The Banana

homemade mashed potatoes

the Eagles (when they win)

fairly warm Autumn weather

e-mail and, sometimes, listservs

the Bravo Network

okay, cable TV in general

king-sized beds

decent health insurance

pecan pie

trees

CD-R bootlegs

our new heater

having had the money to pay for our new heater

the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle

flex time

life