During my train ride back from New York this week, I wrote a little "essay" about my visit (I was on the "quiet car"). Here it is:
I. Assumptions
When I was in college, one of my roommate’s favorite songs was the Monkees’ “Laugh”, especially the line, “Laugh when you go to a party and you can’t tell the boys from the girls.”
Because, of course, the assumption at the time (the sixties) was that all men had short hair and all women had long hair.
I ran straight up against a few of my own assumptions this week when I visited a friend in New York City.
The first came while I was at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center. I was sitting in a chair on the first floor, under the stairwell. As a group that was meeting on the second floor began to disburse, I heard the clicking sound of numerous high heels making their way down the stairs.
Ah, I thought. A meeting of drag queens.
Wrong I was. When I snuck a peek up the stairs, I found that the sound was emanating - yes - from high heels; but, on women. Lesbians!
Many of the women were in “business drag” – three piece suits with skirts; dresses; skirts and blouses. It was a meeting of the lesbian and gay business professionals group.
My second awakening came the next morning as I was leaving my friend’s apartment building on the Upper West Side.
On the elevator ride to the lobby, I encountered two young women on their way to school.
As I was tired from a late night out, my eyes were drooping and I only caught sight of them from the waist level down.
I was noticing one of the girls’ modest shoes (low heels, closed-toes), purse, and sensible slacks. Hmmm, I thought, how nice to see a young teenager not exposing their toe ring, or navel, or butt cheeks.
Before my eyes could continue upward, the girl spoke to her friend - in a much deeper voice than I had expected.
As my eyes darted up towards her mid section and beyond, I noticed what appeared to be developing breasts, shoulder-length hair (that seemed, to me, to be a wig) – and, an Adam’s apple.
Unwilled, my eyebrows rose.
As the girls left the elevator and ran ahead of me, I saw them look back and giggle - presumably at the unsuspecting visitor who had, most likely, never seen a transgendered / transitioning youth before.
I felt terrible. I wanted to catch up with them and tell them that I wasn’t staring. I was only surprised because I was half asleep.
That I was a cool, lesbian mom who even had discussions with her partner before the birth of our child about our thoughts regarding gender reassignment surgery (we’re opposed).
I saw “Normal” on HBO. Loved “Rene’s Story” on Showtime. I embrace the transgender community.
It’s not prejudice they saw. My hidden assumptions gave me away.
II. Representation
The reason I was in New York in the first place was to attend a talk at the Museum of Radio and Television entitled, “No Limits: A Look at ‘Queer As Folk’ (‘QAF’) and ‘The L-Word’.”
Much has been said about ‘The L-Word’ (and, to some extent, ‘QAF’) about how the lesbians and gay men on each show are portrayed.
One camp feels that ‘The L-Word’ does not go far enough to show the broad spectrum of the lesbian community – the butches, the disabled, the overweight, the Asians, etc.
Others (myself included) feel that this is a television show; a suspension of reality for a few, brief (too brief) moments each week.
Bring on the beautiful women and men, I say!
The producers of both shows described how they are telling the stories of very particular groups of friends. That to try to represent the entire LGBT community would be untrue to the characters and their stories.
As their stories and lives unfold (at least in the case of ‘The L-Word’), naturally we’ll begin to see a wider range of the “types” of people in the lives of the main characters.
Admit it, folks. Who among us hasn’t said to his friends (or thought, anyway - or even wrote in a personal ad), “No chubbies.”
Show me the lesbian who would rather watch Rosie & Kelli kiss than Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman.
Robert Gant, one of the stars of QAF, noted that a fan once came up to him and commented that, “all the gay guys in Pittsburgh have such great teeth and go to the gym a lot.”
Those of us who have been to Pittsburgh certainly know this is not true.
Those of us who can separate TV from reality, also know this is not true.
Straight (and some gay) people make assumptions about gay people all of the time. Women are butches; men are effeminate. Lesbians all work construction jobs; gay men are all hairdressers.
I doubt that anyone would call Robert Gant (who has had fans not believe that he was gay in real life) or Gale Herrold effeminate. The women of ‘The L-Word’ are more a collection of femmes than butches. And Shane - a lesbian - is the hairdresser.
If these shows can break down the assumptions of even a handful of people, isn’t it worth the effort?
Maybe along the way, we’ll break down a few of our own.